The things I hear a lot are that an abuser or bully was just a kid, that she isn’t a bad person and that I’m being judgemental for saying something so mean just because I’m angry, that no one can be truly bad, that I have to forgive her, et cetera.
What actually is forgiveness? Do I have to forgive her? Sure, maybe no one can be truly bad, maybe she’s not a bad person, but I am angry. I am not saying this to her face.
Also, she knows what she’s doing and intentionally hurts others for pleasure. In my opinion, maybe not yours, that does make her a bad person. If she changes and stops it, then she isn’t a bad person anymore, but she was when I knew her.
i think the healing process gets to be about you, and what you need, and not them. Pressure to forgive is useless. Choose to work at it if it you believe it might help.
I’m not sure I’ve ever forgiven my childhood bullies. I live my life away from them and rarely think about them. This is a way of finding peace, too. Working on healing yourself, (with therapy or whatever) becoming stronger, and just…making them irrelevant to you. Some people do need to figure out why they did it or forgive them, but the important thing is that the victim decided they needed it, not because people told them they had to.