It’s all normal to feel and the only way to know if it’s only a fantasy or if you really really like it is to try. As long as you are respectful and honest, go nuts and have fun

I’m a gay trans man. I have a vagina, and I mostly do vaginal sex.

My relationships have been gay relationships, because we were both men and I am unambiguously read as male in public.

But I also do frequently have casual sex. There are a lot of gay men who do find relationships with trans men specifically to be erotic. There are bisexual men who don’t really care what they are topping. There are straight men who just want to fuck a vagina. There are insecure DL men who feel that a trans man is a safe outing.

Being attracted to a trans women as a straight guy is normal. You are expressing attraction to a woman. I’ve known trans women in relationships with 100% straight guys.

The larger reality here is that labels are shorthands, not laws. As a cis straight man, you have been told all of your life that anything outside of being attracted to a certain type of cis women is expected of you, that any non conformance with that script is “gay” and stigmatized.

You can have a sexual encounter or relationship with a trans woman and consider yourself 100% heterosexual if that’s important to you, because you are a man having sex with a woman. Hell - you can even experiment with a cis dude and consider yourself straight - there are piles and piles of dudes flipping through all kinds of apps right now just trying to get their dick sucked by any willing warm mouth.

Sexuality is spectrum and it changes across your life. You don’t have to feel worried about that, there’s nothing wrong with you.

Sadly, this is something you can never answer without doing it. A lot of people have fantasies which they think they will like irl but end up disappointed.

Straight man here. I was asked out by a trans woman and we started going out. Somewhat different situation than your question, as I never had particular fantasies of or attraction to trans women. We eventually slept together. I was super nervous, since she was my first date, first kiss, first everything. In the end we got married and are living happily ever after, so I would say it worked out pretty great.

Based on your question I presume you are particularly interested in the aspect of being with a woman with a penis. For me it was alright. It is not my preferred genital configuration for a sexual partner, so I was quite happy when she got SRS several years later.

Like Jersusalemspiderman mentioned, many trans women have a contentious relationship with that part of their anatomy. I am not sure what percentage of trans women are interested in performing penetrative anal sex on a man, but I believe it is fairly low; if that particular act is important to you, you may be going against long odds. It was not something that I desired. While my then-girlfriend was pre-op, we did anal sex with me as the penetrator. I occasionally performed oral sex, though she liked to give more than receive. And the handjobs were mutual. I also topped in a variety of BDSM activities, though that is not really trans-related.

Be aware that estrogen can reduce penis size. It can vary a lot person-to-person, though. My other trans girlfriend actually had a penis larger than mine.

Treat the trans people in your life with kindness. Society is often cruel to them.

I too fantasized about being with a trans woman. I hooked up with one and I loved it. Later I figured out I’m trans myself. I still fantasize about being with trans women, but now it’s gayer. I would say don’t worry about it too much. Just treat trans women like any other woman, like an autonomous person with their own wants, needs, desires, and traumas (just maybe some more traumas than average). As with any other relationship, when in doubt, ask.

I’d definitely not turn down a woman over being trans or having a cock. I’m kind of diet-gay. While I like women, I appreciate a good cock but I really don’t care for other masculine features or the male body shape. I block all the butch/masculine content on here for example except for stuff having to do with fem cock. I’ve always fantasized about sex with a femboy or a woman with a penis but admitting to “liking cock” while not liking other male features used to get me so much hate on reddit so I generally keep that to myself.

All I’m saying is I wish I could suck cock and play with the cum at least once but if the only way this could happen is by doing it with a butch dude, fucking forget it. So there.

I’m going to repeat the warning against fetishizing people only here, because the previous warning about that was better than I could say.

But I’ve dated trans women. Had sex with them too.

It wasn’t some kind of fantasy or fetish for me, I just don’t see trans women as anything other than women. I have my preferences, but it’s really more about the connection than anatomy anyway. If I ever had a connection with a man, I’d at least try it out.

Just putting it out there, since you’re asking about sexual stuff rather than romance, there are differences in anatomy between cis and trans women, but there’s differences in anatomy between different cis women, and different trans women. Things feel different when you’re fucking, yeah. But not better or worse. It’s like the differences between getting your dick sucked, fucking a cis vagina, and fucking a cis woman in the ass. You’ll like what you like, and better is subjective.

Trans women aren’t some kind of magic fuck that’s going to change your life. Nobody is a magic fuck like that. So don’t expect your fantasy to compare to reality. You’ve got your head wrapped up in what you think trans women are, and they’re just women. No real woman can match imagination like that, trans or cis.

Also, be fucking respectful. A lot of trans women have issues with their bodies because that’s part of being trans. If you find someone to play fantasy fuckball with you, you treat them like gold. You don’t go around treating their body like a fucking private tour of transness. You make out, you fuck, and don’t be a fucking asshole.

If someone is willing to get sexual with you, and it turns out that the fantasy doesn’t work, that you have some kind of turn off, you be a decent human being. You should do that with anyone agreeing to fuck you, but since whoever it is will be doing you a favor by opening themselves up to being your fetish, you go the extra mile to make sure you respect that.

We all like what we like, and if you don’t like it you shouldn’t fake it, but you can be a gentleman about it. If you can’t, then stay the fuck home and jerk off.

Not about sex with trans women, but generally about fantasy vs reality. Sometimes things seem great in fantasy but are boring or mundane in reality. And vice versa.

For me (other people’s experiences may differ) some examples are:

Cell-Popping. You heat a needle white hot and hold it over your or your partner’s skin to make the skin cells quickly heat up and burst to create a small superficial wound. Do that in a line or so and you can draw little pictures. It usually doesn’t leave scars so it only lasts for a few days.

I thought it would be super hot. To mark my partner and be marked by them. To endure the pain.

In the end it wasn’t super painful. And sure, the pictures looked nice. But it wasn’t really anything special over just using a pen to doodle something.

On the other hand there was mummification. Encasing someone in seran wrap for example. I thought it would be boring because you could just lie there and do nothing.

Super wrong. It’s intense. When you also wrap ears and eyes you are completely gone from the world. You lose all track of time. It’s almost like being weightless because the wrap also cuts off all feelings from the skin. If you then get just the slightest sensation from your partner, like a touch or a kiss, it is magnified a thousand fold.

Once mummified a girl at a private party. And while she lay there our pizza order arrived and everyone was aflutter with sorting out payment and who got what and she didn’t notice a thing. We brought her back gently and slowly and when she was somewhat coherent presented the pizza to her. In her words: “Best. Aftercare. Ever.”

I don’t know that I’ve ever been truly torn over a fantasy. Anything I felt would be fun, I did.

It didn’t all work out, of course. Most of it did, but not at every occurrence.

Take a gang bang for example. I thought it might be fun, and when a lady in one of the groups I was in wanted to have one, I signed up.

It turns out that a lot of what happens at a gang bang is waiting around watching other men masturbate. Once you have more than four or five people, you can’t all have a good view of the action without extra effort and planning. It was still fun, but not as exciting as I had thought it would be. Still joined in a few later on, with varying degrees of enjoyment, but it all fell short of the fantasy.

However, performing in front of a crowd was better than the fantasy. It is unique, even if you’re used to orgies and group scenes. Being on a stage, even a small one in someone’s play room, being watched and applauded, it is a rush. If the crowd is bigger, there’s a tipping point where it feels more anonymous, even if you know everyone. You’re up there, they’re watching, and waves of arousal move through the audience. People start masturbating to what you’re doing, or having sex while watching you. Hard to not enjoy that feeling, and it surpassed how intense I thought it would be.

Similar I guess. I always consideres myself 99% straight but since I was a teen I always wondered what it would be like to suck cock. I thought about it a whole lot. I never found men even slightly attractive but had a fascination with cocks.

It wasn’t till I was in my late 30s that I actually tried it and it was without a shadow of a doubt the most turned on I have ever felt in my life. The combination of fulfilling a fantasy, doing something ‘secret’ that noone knew about with a complete stranger…

Needless to say I have done it many more times since and no longer consider myself quite as straight as I did (although I still don’t fancy men 😂)

Being real though, everyone I know that’s been with a trans woman has been just as happy as with a cis woman.

You being straight only comes into the issue if there’s a part of you that doesn’t consider trans and cis women as at least equivalent. And, truth is, if you don’t, then you shouldn’t try even hooking up with a trans woman because it’s disrespectful to fetishize someone while also rejecting the very thing you’re fetishizing. It just isn’t fair, it’s deceptive.

I think that you’d need to rectify the fact that trying to fit someone into your fantasy comes with a responsibility to be absolutely certain you give them the truth so they can give informed consent. It’s like kink stuff at that point, you don’t involve someone in your kink without them knowing and agreeing with what they’re getting into.

The fantasy you have isn’t about being with a person, it’s about being with an idea. That’s okay, that’s what fantasy is for. But if you’re going to try and bring a fellow human being into it, you have to treat them as a human first, period.

I’m not saying you wouldn’t, I’m just addressing what you asked here, where you may have been so focused on the question that you didn’t convey the more human side.

Now, having explored fantasies with people before, they don’t always work out. Some do, and that’s great. I think the key to making a good time happen is being open to it flopping. If you go into it with the awareness that reality is messy and chaotic, and that even if everyone involved has a good time, it still might not measure up to what’s in your head.

Like, when I was a teenager, I thought a three way would be fun. What they are is a lot of work for end results that aren’t better than just being with either person alone. Not for me anyway.

Same with some of the kinky stuff I thought I would like because I’d see pictures or read erotica including it, like bondage. But it didn’t really work irl. For me.

But I always encourage people to take a careful stock of their fantasy and see if it’s able to be reconciled with it not actually working out as a turnon in reality. If you can accept that, and that it might break the fantasy, then go for it.

I’ve definitely thought about it myself. Although I just want my dick sucked, I don’t care if it’s a trans woman or cis woman doing it 🥰

Maybe hook up with a trans girl and experiment? Just remember to be respectful and communicate honestly.

What you fantasise about doesn’t define your sexuality

I’ve fulfilled many fantasies, others will remain (for one reason or another) in the realm of fantasy

Every single time it has lived up to expectations, but that’s probably because I am of an age where I didn’t have my first introduction to sex through unrealistic porn

Remember that once something is done, it can’t be undone, and keep yourself safe. Physically and emotionally.

Other than that, go forth and enjoy!

Life’s short

This was never an issue for me. I knew I was bi as early as high school, fucked a transfem in my early 20s, and now I am one. I recommend getting over your internalized homophobia, which I used to have. It can take effort to overcome psychological barriers, but it gets a lot easier after the first time. The only differences with a cis male are that his skin is slightly rougher, no breasts, and potentially a different personality. If you’re ok with those differences, you may as well fuck a guy.

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