This seems alien as someone who absolutely hates cuddling.
I can’t breathe because she’s exhaling into my face. My arm is numb because she’s been laying on it. Now I’m stuck laying there bored until I decide that I’m willing to deal with the attitude I’ll get from waking her up.
Well, face to face cuddling is harder because of the stuff you mentioned. The original thread was about spooning, which fixes both of those just my virtue of being able to prevent them entirely.
But that’s easy enough to control for. It’s also important to note that cuddling and sleeping cuddled aren’t exactly the same thing. They each have their own difficulties. If you’re going to sleep face to face, both parties have to get themselves into a sustainable position before sleeping.
It’s a mutual effort situation, and if it isn’t, then there’s a problem beyond the cuddling. Same with any “attitude” from being awakened by the other party. That kind of thing points to one or both parties not really being right for the other rather than the cuddling itself.
Now, cuddling itself? It isn’t what you described. You aren’t stuck in one position. It’s two or more people sharing close physical contact. Anyone involved is free to adjust and shift positions until mutual comfort is achieved again.
That appeals because you don’t usually cuddle with randos. It’s people you care about, and/or animals you care about. Being close to people you care about is comforting, it enhances the emotional connection, partially because it breaks down barriers, and partly because our brains love the oxytocin it causes to be released. It just feels good.
Mind you, it isn’t always going to work. Trying to cuddle during the summer here in the south can be difficult, even with AC. But it’s usually nice enough to be worth trying for a little while.
My suggestion is to talk to your lady friend and try spooning instead of face to face. You be big spoon, with your chest and abdomen against her back. Lay down with your bottom arm either under your head, or similarly positioned so that it isn’t under her. Have her hair positioned so it isn’t right in you face.
Ideally, have the air fairly cool, or at least a fan or something moving the air so you don’t get too hot.
But it may still not work for you. I suspect that you aren’t a cuddler, and likely never will be because something about your body or brain can’t handle the higher level of stimulation. I can’t do big or tightly packed crowds for that reason.
And, I suspect that the person you’re trying to cuddle with currently isn’t a good match for you. If you’re laying there bored, and she gets pissy if you move, there’s something wrong. It isn’t a good cuddle match at all, and the way you said it all makes me think that the something wrong extends beyond cuddling, but you haven’t realized it yet. I dunno, maybe I’m wrong, but it sure reads that way.
I’ll also say that cuddling with someone when it isn’t a mutually desired thing is as bad as sex when it isn’t mutually desired. Some things, while it’s perfectly acceptable to just agree to to make your partner happy, they just won’t be good. Long term, it isn’t sustainable to be miserable like that. It’ll eat away at the relationship. And what’s the point of doing that?
This seems alien as someone who absolutely hates cuddling.
I can’t breathe because she’s exhaling into my face. My arm is numb because she’s been laying on it. Now I’m stuck laying there bored until I decide that I’m willing to deal with the attitude I’ll get from waking her up.
What about that appeals to people?
Well, face to face cuddling is harder because of the stuff you mentioned. The original thread was about spooning, which fixes both of those just my virtue of being able to prevent them entirely.
But that’s easy enough to control for. It’s also important to note that cuddling and sleeping cuddled aren’t exactly the same thing. They each have their own difficulties. If you’re going to sleep face to face, both parties have to get themselves into a sustainable position before sleeping.
It’s a mutual effort situation, and if it isn’t, then there’s a problem beyond the cuddling. Same with any “attitude” from being awakened by the other party. That kind of thing points to one or both parties not really being right for the other rather than the cuddling itself.
Now, cuddling itself? It isn’t what you described. You aren’t stuck in one position. It’s two or more people sharing close physical contact. Anyone involved is free to adjust and shift positions until mutual comfort is achieved again.
That appeals because you don’t usually cuddle with randos. It’s people you care about, and/or animals you care about. Being close to people you care about is comforting, it enhances the emotional connection, partially because it breaks down barriers, and partly because our brains love the oxytocin it causes to be released. It just feels good.
Mind you, it isn’t always going to work. Trying to cuddle during the summer here in the south can be difficult, even with AC. But it’s usually nice enough to be worth trying for a little while.
My suggestion is to talk to your lady friend and try spooning instead of face to face. You be big spoon, with your chest and abdomen against her back. Lay down with your bottom arm either under your head, or similarly positioned so that it isn’t under her. Have her hair positioned so it isn’t right in you face.
Ideally, have the air fairly cool, or at least a fan or something moving the air so you don’t get too hot.
But it may still not work for you. I suspect that you aren’t a cuddler, and likely never will be because something about your body or brain can’t handle the higher level of stimulation. I can’t do big or tightly packed crowds for that reason.
And, I suspect that the person you’re trying to cuddle with currently isn’t a good match for you. If you’re laying there bored, and she gets pissy if you move, there’s something wrong. It isn’t a good cuddle match at all, and the way you said it all makes me think that the something wrong extends beyond cuddling, but you haven’t realized it yet. I dunno, maybe I’m wrong, but it sure reads that way.
I’ll also say that cuddling with someone when it isn’t a mutually desired thing is as bad as sex when it isn’t mutually desired. Some things, while it’s perfectly acceptable to just agree to to make your partner happy, they just won’t be good. Long term, it isn’t sustainable to be miserable like that. It’ll eat away at the relationship. And what’s the point of doing that?
You’re right about that relationship, however that one ended…2014ish. The one after that killed my interest in them altogether, so all good now.