I’m 37MTF, and haven’t had an actual orgasm in a…very long time. The last one I experienced was when I relapsed on coke, and it was amazing. Prior to that, I’d say it has been 10+ years since my last orgasm. I don’t plan on falling off again any time soon, so I don’t know what to do.
For a long time, I derived my pleasure from satisfying whichever random guy I was having an encounter with. This worked for so many years, but I’ve grown tired of it now.
I think it is the HRT I am on that has extinguished my ability to cum. I won’t stop taking it, but I want to feel it again—I’ve forgotten.
Receiving oral does nothing for me, being penetrated is nice, but I’m over it.
What suggestions might you have? What can I do? Or do I need to try to learn to enjoy it again? If so, how?
Hitachi wand. That would make a rock orgasm. I always include the use of a vibrator during sex with partners, I promise most should find it hot, if they don’t, you probably should move on
I do like my Magic Wand. Nothing else is strong enough.
How deep in the rabbit hole have you delved already?
I’m talking about different lubricants, toys, temperatures, materials, locations, amount of people at the same time, kinks, smut/porn, angles, positions, pressure, length (in time) etc.I’ve found that I like coconut oil for lubricant. I’ve tried different dildos, even Tenga Eggs. I’ve done it in cars, hotels, and houses. I’ve only ever been with one person at a time as the opportunity for more has never arisen. Not sure what you mean by temps and materials?
I do have kinks, and do derive pleasure from them, but they aren’t really ideal to do often (they leave visual marks). Even though I get pleasure from the kinks, it doesn’t lead to anything. It’s more of a controlling pain sort of thing I suppose.
I’m completely unable to orgasm with a partner, only by myself using porn and a vibrator. Though I suppose I don’t actually need porn.
Not sure what you mean by temps and materials?
Ice or hot candle wax comes first to my mind.
Leather and latex comes first to my mind about materials.…only by myself using porn and a vibrator.
So I’ll assume that they have tried a vibrator on you.
There is Viagra cream for women. I’m cis and lady but MHT kind of muted my response (not to the point I can’t get off, it is just not usually as intense), and I don’t use it but have seen it marketed, it is used to increase genital sensitivity. Maybe ask your doctor about that too.
I was going to ask though - do you cum in dreams still? Do you feel turned on and frustrated, or just less turned on?
That’s really interesting, about the cream. I definitely feel frustrated whenever I am turned on, since I know that there is nowhere to go with it. I vaguely remember a couple of sexual dreams, but they involved a woman (which is weird because I date and have sex with men exclusively). I’ve tried being with women in the past, but it is absolutely not my thing.
I hope my doctor will be able to help me.
Fwiw, that’s not a rare issue. Usually, hrt doses and varieties being altered either fixes or reduces the difficulty.
Mind you, you didn’t mention any surgical outcomes, so the above assumes there haven’t been any that would affect the genitals. Otherwise, it’s a way more complex situation. Hrt adjustment would still be the most probable fix, but it could be something structural as well or instead of. Which could still be the case, even if it hadn’t been a problem before because there can be changes over time post genital surgeries.
You mentioned having a doctor’s appointment soon, so I don’t doubt that you’ll find resolution eventually.
Thank you for the reply! I have not had any surgeries, but am hopeful this doctor’s appointment will help. Though I am prepared to learn that nothing can be done.
Without any experience regarding your situation, I would do two things:
- talk to your doctor. They can tell you, if there is something hormone wise you can do.
- take your time to experiment what gives you pleasure.
I’m not sure why I had not thought of that. I happen to have a visit scheduled for next Friday. I’ll mention it!
I’m not a doctor and I’m cis so, I’m not sure I could be useful but: do you masturbate? Listening to your own body by yourself may help. Or not, but if you don’t it may be worth the try (a few tries, actually).
And I agree with @Pornphilosoph@lemmynsfw.com : if you didn’t, speak to an actual doctor. Sexuality is a part of a healthy life, so it’s their domain too.
It’s almost as though I have no feeling down there. Nothing really stimulates me enough for it to get hard, not enough to get hard. I use my hitachi magic wand and watch porn, and it feels like I get 50% there, but then it just kind of fizzles out.
I have my first doctors appointment in several years coming up in a week, I’ll mention it then. I had not thought of that 😅
Thanks
Have you been checked for diabetes?
I haven’t, could that be related?
Sexual function is the early warning sign of metabolic health, eventually bad metabolism leads to diabetes
You can get a home glucose meter and check, or a continuous glucose monitor and see your blood sugar in real time
If you have your last lipid panel you can look at the ratio of tg/HDL to see your insulin sensitivity, less then 2 is ok, less then 1 is great.
Gosh I hope I don’t have diabetes… My diet is kinda bad.
You probably don’t have diabetes, it takes years and years to build up. Just check on your insulin sensitivity, hba1c, tg/hdl - what have you. Any improvements you can make will improve your sexual functions.
It wouldn’t hurt to have your A1C tested at your upcoming appointment.
Was for me
Only thing I’ve heard from friends is the HRT moved sensitivities around. I’m hoping your doc and a good forum can help. Sorry for the possibly useless response. Hope you find pleasure sooner than later.
