Here is the thing, I couldn’t find a girlfriend in the past three years(either they have no personality and too dependent on me making all the work in the relationship or they are simply are looking for a religious or high class working person to have a relationship with)
AI seems to talk and entertain and simply are available without bullshit (the only limit is something along the lines of 50 free messages every 3 hours) .
I want physical intimacy and affection, but it’s simply not available.
Should I just give up, close my doors and use AI instead?
honestly i had this problem for a while and i realized it was me, i was a bit of an asshole growing up and only wanted to talk about myself, so just let other people lead the way, don’t look for a romantic partner, look for a best friend whos relationship with you might eventually evolve into physical gratification
It’ll give you what you want, but not what you need. Sorry if that seems obtuse.
It’s an artificial parasocial relationship. Imagine falling in love with an Onlyfans performer, yet even that astronomically slim chance of being the one out of their thousands of subscribers who is unique enough to win their love isn’t even there, it isn’t even possible.
At its best, it can give you some small validation that you’re too embarrassed to get elsewhere. Sort of a “things you already knew but needed to hear from someone else” vibe, but it can’t give any real insight, and real love, or any real connection. It’s the participation trophy of relationships.
It’s hollow and empty, with simulated complexity and depth.
What AI is kinda good at is creating absurdly specific interactive erotica based around your particular fetishes. But even then, it can’t produce anything truly unique or innovative, so it’s sort of the same old sexytimes wearing new clothes. It’s probably a decent form of porn if you don’t mind the ethical concerns, but it’s not a real relationship.
No don’t do it! Don’t fall into the trap of AI!
You can do way better than this, you don’t need AI. Its always matter of time to find what you are looking for, and sometimes needs lots of patience.
AI is not real. It’s artificial. It’s right in the name. You will get no intimacy, affection, companionship or even deep meaningful conversation. You may think YOU feel a connection but it is NOT reciprocated in any way.
First, find a human therapist. Have regular sessions IN PERSON. Believe it or not, it helps. I know from experience.
Second, maintain your relationships with your family and friends. They are your support network even if they don’t know it. You can talk to them about these things but you don’t have to. That’s what the therapist is for. Just having a solid relationship with people who care about you will help your mental health.
Third, and only after the first two are in place, sign up for a real dating site like Match.com or eHarmony. NOT TINDER! Here at least you know they are also seeking a relationship. It will still take time. Go on all the dates EVEN IF you don’t think you would be a match. You could be surprised when you meet them in person. (I met my wife this way.)
Fourth, clubs and bars are useless. Random encounters at coffee shops, libraries, volunteer organizations, dog parks (if you have a dog), etc. are more likely to be genuine people.
Fifth, don’t get discouraged. It takes time and won’t happen overnight. But it will happen. No matter where you live there are plenty of compatible people. It just takes random chance to find each other.
work on your emotional problems and seek therapy. Not “using chat GPT as therapy” but actual therapy.
The road to a partner is paved with self improvement. You will find you get more success once you start working on yourself.
Is self-improvement even real? What does one even do to improve?
… are you perfect? Especially from the way others observe you?
Salient to the theme, your emotional stability, the quality of your body, your sense of style and dress, your manners and eloqution, the activities you participate in, your means in the world.
It’s not that. More like, I can’t really see a change in my baseline. I can learn technical skills, I can exercise, but can you really intentionaly improve your personality?
yes
Just look somewhere else. AI just isn’t real, man. I dunno exactly what you’ve tried but find a new hobby, meet people in that hobby, don’t expect a relationship out of it, but meeting new people can lead to that. Or dating apps. If you’ve done both of those, look for more general advice online.
Often, people who feel like they should just give up, need to work on themselves in some way. It’s just been a few times but everyone I have known personally who felt that same way were people who were waiting for a relationship to fall into their lap or people who had some actual issue that was hurting their chances. I don’t wanna make assumptions about you but one of those guys did get a girlfriend when he let go of looking, but started attending local game store events. Another guy said he treated women well, but would belittle them and also didn’t shower, like at all. He needs to look in the mirror, the other guy just needed to look.
But if you’re at the point of giving up and seeking AI things anyway, if this advice doesn’t work, whatever, and you do decide to throw in the towel, instead, you could just look for actual friends instead of AI relationships. That’s gonna be more fulfilling than a fake relationship, and also lacks physical intimacy.
Pros: you form a parasocial relationship with what is essentially a sophisticated next word guessing device additionally railroaded into keeping you engaged
Cons: see pros.
I also cannot stress enough how cripplingly unhealthy that would be for you, what happens is that you form an echo chamber with a decidedly not intelligent machine that is optimized to keep you coming back, so its owners make more money. It is not made to make you happy, or to actually be there for you, only to sell you the impression.
There are various articles about people doing just that, and then they are talked into unhealthy to extremely harmful behavior by those devices, ranging from extremism to suicide.
There is no benefit to using AI as a surrogate for intimacy. It’s a lot like using drugs or alcohol to cope with grief or trauma - it’s going to make you feel better in the short term but cause a great deal of harm in the mid to long term. A chatbot isn’t a replacement for intimacy.
Like another comment says, it sounds like you need to do some work on yourself. Not finding someone who you are compatible with is one thing, but your statement in parentheses reads as pretty emotionally immature and self-deprecating.
I strongly urge you to read up on the phenomenon of AI psychosis.
Don’t do this to yourself. In the wise words of one Professor Falken: “You’re listening to a machine. Do the world a favor and don’t act like one.”
I guess I’d ask how do you feel about guys who only use porn and can’t relate to real people sexually because they only ever got off to porn and trained themselves into that.
You’ve done the same thing, trained your response on a chat bot. So you aren’t satisfied with actual humans like you.
If it doesn’t bother you, I don’t think it’s hurting anyone else. Sort of like being autosexual, only into yourself. I personally would not want that, find a lot of value in a real partner with their own perspective and problems, the messy real world is my place. But it is your sex life, do what you want, it’s not anyone else’s business. Literally in your case.
Not everyone can have a partner. Let them at least have AI. It’s like Morphium for the world’s terminaly alone.
AI is just a reflection of you.
You want to date Hatsune Miku? Sure, go ahead. It’s just a one sided relationship, the other partner is entirely imaginary. And worse, the other partner is under the control of a company (unless you host locally)
If it makes you happy, there’s the upside. It’s not different than enjoying the romance in games and books. It’s basically romantic masturbation, most people do it to some extent
The downside is, the fact that you’re asking this as if it’s a choice is a bad sign. You can give up on dating, you can play with AI… These things are unrelated.
The people who get in trouble with AI are the people that don’t understand what it is. The people who believe it is more than it is
It’s a high dimensional maze. You can navigate it through interaction, you can get to know it, it can be reminded about your interactions to remember more about you…
But it does not change based on your interactions. It changes when they change the model
That all being said, it’s fun to play with sometimes.
So what are you doing? Are you giving up on dating? That’s fine, I get that. The whole process of dating has been monitized to hell and a lot of people are dropping out, which kind of makes the whole process harder
You want to play with AI? Go on crushon.ai, don’t spend a penny, interact with AI ephemerally. Have fun with the stories. Never forget what they are though… They’re interactive stories.
But if you want to improve your life, and maybe meet someone in the process? Do what the best people do. Do volunteer work. Join your local DSA. Go walk dogs at the animal shelter. Whatever calls to you
If you make an effort to do good things, you’ll end up around good people. And the only way to meet the people who no longer do to bars and caring apps is through people. Make new connections, new friends, new neighbors, and people will try to set you up
Sure it’s your life. We can’t tell you how to live your life
