So, assuming both sides are used, we’d need one side to play for 5 hours, which would be luke 2 RPM, rather than the standard 34, 45, or 78. It’d probably be physically impossible to create the audio.

Ten hours?

'Tis but a scratch in the record

Oh no Mark Ruffalo is tied up! Would he get angry enough to turn into Hulk and free himself?

10 hours of footsteps on the porch.

I wonder if a real barky dog would eventually get exhausted & desensitized at some point during 10 hours of doorbell, and stop barking?

“For the love of god, Montressquirrel!”