True, but sharing does not necessarily mean equal parts of all task areas. Financial burdens, home care, chores, child raising, pet care, emotional burdens… there are a lot of things that go into having a relationship with someone that you share a home with, it can be complicated, and it’s not always “fair”. If one partner handles all of the accounting and tax filing, is that worth doing dishes more often? If one partner is regularly doing home maintenance (like fixing toilets or putting up new shelves), is it fair for the other to do more cooking? If one is stressing out, and the other is providing emotional support, does that balance with emptying the litter box(es)?
It’s really difficult to work this out in any useful way, trying to balance regular small tasks with irregular bigger ones, and how do you even value practical vs. emotional labor?
Obviously communicating with your partner is the key, but what does this actually mean? If you sit down and try to work it all out on paper so that it’s “fair”, you’re both going to end up frustrated by the conversation, and you’ll be arguing over the specifics again by the end of the week.
You should talk about it, because one partner may be thinking that the other is not doing their share, while being completely oblivious to some load that person is carrying. You should not try to handle this like an accountant with a spreadsheet, and you should not expect that your partner will always be carrying the same amounts of the same loads that you are.
What you should both be doing, is trying to do more than your fair share, because you want to support each other. Charity will take you further than miserliness.
I think doing your fair share is a trick position. It sounds right, and it’s technically right, but when you focus on it you can easily be led astray from achieving it. Focusing on trying to balance needs, wants, responsibilities, and capacity is better.
If one partners’ capacity is reduced due to illness or a depressive episode the answer isn’t necessarily to have the other partner take on everything, it’s to reevaluate what needs to be done with the capacity that’s shared. Dinners might start leaning towards pasta with jarred sauce and the home may get messier because some rest for the more capable partner may very well be a bigger need than more complicated and varied meals or than keeping everything vacuumed as often.
And in this vein, especially starting out if your partner can’t or won’t carry their own weight (ie meet their own needs) it’s a sign to ask yourself if the added responsibilities they’d impose on you are worth it.
I think as long as both people are happy with their part in a relationship then it’s fine. Some people really enjoy taking care of others. Some people like specific tasks, whether that’s making sure the shelves are stocked or buying Christmas presents or whatever. It’s about finding a balance that works.
There are a lot of women who will leave a pan in the sink for a week to “let it soak”, leave laundry on the floor all week, and don’t know how to cook for themselves besides the most basic shit.
It’s not even a gendered issue. Lots of people just do not know how to take care of themselves.
I think people took your comment wrong. If I’m reading correctly, you’re saying maybe she is the incompetent one, which I think is a fair comment to make, even though there’s no evidence. It’s definitely possible?
Yes. It’s the premise of the comic that husbands are usually incompetent, so I jokingly said that she’s the “husband”. In the last panel she enters home and immediately starts yelling at her partner for something that isn’t his fault - another hallmark of a bad husband in the same vein.
Whatever though, I tried to make a joke, it didn’t land (I probably could have told it better), c’est la vie.
![Having a good partner [PizzaCake]](https://slrpnk.net/pictrs/image/3c29d75b-f0f5-4c4b-ad7a-5dd4bfeb0f06.webp){kind=link}
Maybe she’s the husband in that relationship?
A partner should be a partner
Both parties should be sharing the load, no one person should be shouldering the majority of the load
True, but sharing does not necessarily mean equal parts of all task areas. Financial burdens, home care, chores, child raising, pet care, emotional burdens… there are a lot of things that go into having a relationship with someone that you share a home with, it can be complicated, and it’s not always “fair”. If one partner handles all of the accounting and tax filing, is that worth doing dishes more often? If one partner is regularly doing home maintenance (like fixing toilets or putting up new shelves), is it fair for the other to do more cooking? If one is stressing out, and the other is providing emotional support, does that balance with emptying the litter box(es)?
It’s really difficult to work this out in any useful way, trying to balance regular small tasks with irregular bigger ones, and how do you even value practical vs. emotional labor?
Obviously communicating with your partner is the key, but what does this actually mean? If you sit down and try to work it all out on paper so that it’s “fair”, you’re both going to end up frustrated by the conversation, and you’ll be arguing over the specifics again by the end of the week.
You should talk about it, because one partner may be thinking that the other is not doing their share, while being completely oblivious to some load that person is carrying. You should not try to handle this like an accountant with a spreadsheet, and you should not expect that your partner will always be carrying the same amounts of the same loads that you are.
What you should both be doing, is trying to do more than your fair share, because you want to support each other. Charity will take you further than miserliness.
I think doing your fair share is a trick position. It sounds right, and it’s technically right, but when you focus on it you can easily be led astray from achieving it. Focusing on trying to balance needs, wants, responsibilities, and capacity is better.
If one partners’ capacity is reduced due to illness or a depressive episode the answer isn’t necessarily to have the other partner take on everything, it’s to reevaluate what needs to be done with the capacity that’s shared. Dinners might start leaning towards pasta with jarred sauce and the home may get messier because some rest for the more capable partner may very well be a bigger need than more complicated and varied meals or than keeping everything vacuumed as often.
And in this vein, especially starting out if your partner can’t or won’t carry their own weight (ie meet their own needs) it’s a sign to ask yourself if the added responsibilities they’d impose on you are worth it.
I think as long as both people are happy with their part in a relationship then it’s fine. Some people really enjoy taking care of others. Some people like specific tasks, whether that’s making sure the shelves are stocked or buying Christmas presents or whatever. It’s about finding a balance that works.
Obviously, sharing the load doesn’t mean splitting every individual thing equally.
It’s not always the husband.
There are a lot of women who will leave a pan in the sink for a week to “let it soak”, leave laundry on the floor all week, and don’t know how to cook for themselves besides the most basic shit.
It’s not even a gendered issue. Lots of people just do not know how to take care of themselves.
i can only do it for others :( i’m terrible at doing things for myself…
You deserve someone that can reciprocate your support 🫂
It’s practice worth doing to learn to do things for yourself
As someone who used to do room inspections: this is 100% true, and you’d sometimes be surprised with which rooms were hardly cleaned.
deleted by creator
or just being generally lazy. the most extreme is both mooching off thier parents
I think people took your comment wrong. If I’m reading correctly, you’re saying maybe she is the incompetent one, which I think is a fair comment to make, even though there’s no evidence. It’s definitely possible?
Yes. It’s the premise of the comic that husbands are usually incompetent, so I jokingly said that she’s the “husband”. In the last panel she enters home and immediately starts yelling at her partner for something that isn’t his fault - another hallmark of a bad husband in the same vein.
Whatever though, I tried to make a joke, it didn’t land (I probably could have told it better), c’est la vie.