There’s no catch-all plan for parenting. Some kids need to be pushed, some need space, and there’s no way to tell whether the approach was the best approach until “Monday Morning”. All we can do is reflect later on when kids become adults, and even then who knows what the path not taken would have sown? Hopefully, being loving and compassionate is enough, and the fact that we did our best is what will be remembered.
Happy Mother’s Day to all you Moms out there doing the best you can!
I should clarify that my intent was never to say all children should be pushed. I just meant that there is now way to tell what the right choice would have been until the child is already grown. Of course, dragging a kid kicking and screaming through the mud is never the way, but for every story an adult has about working in a career they hate, there’s another (see below) that wishes they were playing the piano like they were as a child, but gave up when it was hard and their folks let them quit. We can only reflect on the path taken, good or bad, because the path not taken is unknowable. Of COURSE you know now what the best choice was, you are living in the future of your past self.
Unfortunately, all we humans can do is try to gauge what will bring our children happiness in the future, and maybe we get it right, maybe we fuck it up. As long as you are coming from a place of love, compassion, and understanding, that’s all we can do.
I work in the construction industry, and when talking g about safety, we say that you’ll never know the thousands of lives your choices saved. You only know the choices that didn’t. And you’ll never forget them.