Motherfucker looks like he sleeps in a space blanket and knows a lot about the Magna Carta.

“Hale and well-met, everybody.”

“Nørmr!”

“What would you say to an ale, there, Nørmr?”

“I’d say ‘Make peace with the spirits of your ancestors, for you shall soon greet them in Valhalla.’”

if anything they’ve reopened their account with Master Don

Seems like everyone’s been getting that noise lately. I’m on my third.

I think I’m gonna head on down to the Bong Recreation Area and take the Green Trail for a while if you know what I mean

(I mean I’m going to take a scenic nature walk in one of Wisconsin’s beautiful state parks, what the hell did you think I meant?)

“We’ve erected a 3-kilometer-long tied-arch bridge so people can get into and out of the Superior bay area quicker and easier, and we’ll be dedicating it to World War II pilot Richard Bong.”

“Okay, what are you calling it?”

“Right now we’ve got ‘Dick Bong’s Long, Curvaceous Erection for the Repeated Entering and Exiting of a Wet Superior Inlet.’”

“…We’ll workshop it.”

Where on earth would you find a wall on a road with a fotorealistic continuation of the road printed on it?

Spoken like a man who has never relentlessly pursued a roadrunner, nor taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque.

Fine, you take it off the shelves and I’ll just torrent it. Nobody should be able to stop me from doing that as long as I don’t seed it, right Meta?

This has happened enough times that the euphemism for piracy in my household has become “renting a film from my man in Bangladesh”

Who Sun-Tans the Sun-Tanner?

I would argue that the one that exploded over DC last month had almost certainly ceased to be a plane by the time it hit the ground.

Guess they better start feeling comfortable with not owning their company.

I understand there is a species of blind fish living in a cave nearly a mile beneath the Yucatán peninsula that scientists believe might not be racist, but research is still ongoing.