aguyinheat

honestly? yeah this

i appreciate you posting this, i like learning more about things and i’m glad i know better now than to just assume the brain is finished developing at 25

so i did a little more reading and the following points still seem clear:

• the brain continues developing into (at least) one’s thirties
• there’s no hard fall off point for maturity

so, instead of just looking at their age, we have to look at their age gap, and ask the question, is there a disproportionate imbalance of power here?

let’s take a moment to define this: the definition i use is roughly, does one person possess more of a handful of traits than the other? these traits are: life experience, career/financial experience, social experience, and general brain development (ability to assess risk reward, understand long term consequences, ability to communicate one’s needs effectively, etc; which is informed both by growth and experience)

obviously, we can’t make a generalized comparison that will be true for every 18 year old and every 26 year old in the world. however, we can understand that, in most circumstances, the 26 year old will have more of each of these attributes in spades than the 18 year old

reversing that argument also makes this very clear: for it to be acceptable, the 26 year old needs to have a comparable maturity and reasoning level to an 18 year old, someone nearly a decade younger than them. which is why i said it’s not something i would brag about, personally. either you’re saying you’re immature as an 18 year old, or you’re saying you’re comfortable, to some degree, of engaging in intimately dangerous behavior with someone who is significantly less experienced and developed than you are (or, i suppose, very rarely, you’ve hooked up with an 18 year old who is not only pretty mature, but who’s been living on their own and supporting themselves for a while. but you didn’t include that in the parameters of the question, so i don’t think that’s what you meant)

to be clear, i understand that the current economic situation has made attaining those life experiences quite difficult, even for people in their mid twenties. however, most people who cannot attain those life experiences, are also generally not hooking up with people, because there are a number of practical barriers to entry there (financial, location, transportation, etc); i don’t think it’s something to be ashamed of! but notably, in this situation, one would be bragging about something very much not worth bragging about, either (and i would hope they were still sensitive to the idea that there are still some differences between them, robbed of the opportunities to spread their wings as an adult, and an 18 year old, who has simply not been alive long enough to do so)

invalidating the question of whether a brain is completely mature at 25 doesn’t mean that an age gap becomes acceptable because “we can’t tell”, it just means we need to apply a more nuanced standard of scrutiny to the situation

which, maybe you agree with, but i wanted to make my position in light of this new evidence very clear

there’s nothing legally wrong with it, but it’s not something i would be happy to hear about from a friend or whatever, cause now i need to ask:

• how long/how well do they know them (longer and knowing them more is generally worse)
• were drugs or alcohol involved (bad, but maybe gives the 26 year old more wiggle room)
• are they going to continue seeing them (probably bad)
• are they aware that they hooked up with someone who’s brain isn’t fully formed

like, it can be done in an ethical way, but in practice, probably won’t be. legally, an 18 year old is an adult, but that does not mean they’re equal in all capacities to adults over 25

generally speaking, unless it was a very isolated hookup without follow up contact, i would pretty strongly recommend against it

that said, yeah, this post reeks of flexing about hooking up with an 18 year old LMAO which… personally, i would not brag about

i think there’s like… different levels of involuntary. like, literally, could not stop? or would significantly hamper / impede the orgasm if they were stopped?

ok so, is sex such a big part of your identity that it warrants taking the name of the thing you think is the hottest? and like, if that’s the case, do you feel no grief about the idea that you can’t directly participate in what you view as the hottest thing in the world?

okay, i understand your point of view. i think that the article blows it up a bit compared to the actual video clip in it. i think she’s probably fine, she’s an adult, she’s choosing to do it again but more (idk why, it doesn’t sound like it was a good experience, but ppl want to leave legacies, i guess)

in that clip, i don’t feel like she broke down in tears, she like… had a an emotional moment. it seems like it was a different experience than what she expected but like… you know, she needed to eat and shit, too. if you caught me 14 hours into a fumbled noita (very difficult roguelite video game) run where i hadn’t been eating or otherwise taking care of myself, you might catch me in frustrated distraught tears too lol, y’know? doesn’t mean it’s traumatic

in all honesty, it sounds like she had to confront how she felt about sex, how sex should go, how sex should go for other people, and frankly, that she believed more impersonal sexual experiences reduce you to a whore. and those are natural feelings to work through after such an experience, but there’s no reason to assume she wasn’t able to come to healthier thought patterns (everyone involved is a consenting adult, sex work is about choice, sex can be transactional and that’s OK, there’s actually nothing inherently wrong with being a whore, it’s all societal judgement, etc etc etc)

anyways, i’m not her. i don’t know what she was feeling in the moment, but whatever it was, it wasn’t so bad that she’s swearing off the idea, i think you can probably be reassured that she’s okay and she’ll continue to be okay even if she goes through with the 1k dudes things

does it not seem judgement to, when someone says something “was taxing”, to instead interpret that as “damaging”? like, that is a much more severe interpretation (with the possible additional implication that it’s permanent in a way)

especially in a sexual context and especially referring to women, implying someone was “damaged” by something carries a lot of implications

as a transgender person (man, specifically), i always wonder about the ostensibly cisgender people who make their enjoyment of opposite/same sex media their identity (so, basically, fujoshi and himedanshi)

no one is saying you can’t enjoy a good love story / dirty story / whatever between two people of the opposite and same sex, but the weird part to me is where it becomes a part of your identity

like, before i knew i was trans, for a period of time when i was younger, i found myself really into a gay ship in a popular media. and i enjoyed it for a bit and then i was like, i don’t really know why it was so compelling, but i thought it would be kind of weird to like, get really into it (as a woman, or so i thought at the time). so i dropped it and moved on with my life and found plenty of het pairings that i could see myself in, and it was fine

then i transitioned a decade later and i look back on it and go “oh”, and now i understand why that gay ship was so compelling

so i mean, that’s my lived experience. and you don’t need to justify or explain your lived experience to anyone, least of all me, some random internet fucko

but i am curious what you find so compelling about the dynamics between two women that your consumption of yuri media merits identifying yourself as such (by this i mean, you like it so much you call yourself, literally, himedanshi)

as a gay man, i certainly read plenty of boy’s love stories, and it has not escaped my attention that many of the authors are women. but i also read a decent chunk of girl’s love comics and even a handful of more normative straight romance comics, the handful that establish a deeper connection between their lead couple than “he’s a man and she’s a woman and they fuck, duh”

but even for the boy’s love stuff, i feel like it’s not a huge part of my identity (i mean, maybe because there’s not a special word for “guy into gay media”, but even then, i don’t think i’d use it more than casually)

anyways, those are my thoughts. but in reality, fuck what i or anyone else thinks, you do you, make you happy, life is too short not to

i’m amused by how judgemental this post comes off as in a nsfw sub. i think, much like you shouldn’t claim that something wasn’t damaging for someone else, you probably shouldn’t claim that it was, if they themselves didn’t state it as such. if i were more allosexual, i’d probably be into that, who doesn’t love a lot of fucking lots of people? (obviously some people don’t, but some people do!)

but i understand that you wanted to talk about this thought experiment and that was additional context for where the idea came from

ironically, i think i’d prefer a one night stand, or like, a date / one night stand (share a meal, do an activity and then fuck). i don’t want to get to know someone, bond with them for a YEAR… so they could fuck me once and dip. what the hell LOL that’s so much effort just to know you won’t have any kind of relationship at the end

but like, a time limited thing, let’s hang out for. a day and fuck at the end, then go back to our respective lives? that sounds pretty alright

yeah same, i was thinking about it the other night, but i was like… even if i found someone into it, i don’t know that i’d be okay afterwards

so my answer to this is pretty layered bc i’m a trans guy and the sensation for both has changed since starting testosterone

pre-transition, i liked anal but it was a lot of trouble for the reward and vaginal was super easy / pleasurable all the time (i was lucky and can orgasm from vaginal penetration, it used to be how i preferred to get off)

post-transition, anal is still a ton of work to prep for (esp given i consistently have gut issues)… but it’s a WAY more pleasurable experience. i tend to re-discover it maybe twice a year. i’m not exactly sure what’s caused it to become so much more intense (seriously, i get super shaky and wobbly nowadays), maybe testosterone made the nerves grow there more? i dunno

but also, post transition, vaginal is a lot more difficult (dry / sensitive) and i have to work pretty hard on getting warm enough to enjoy myself. i really have to be in the mood and have a lot of time on my hands and… well, sometimes it’s hard to come by