And you’re not allowed to walk away?

I used to only date some pretty aggressive women. I’ve been working on fixing myself for a few years now, before I get back into the dating scene.

@Slatlun@lemmy.ml
link
fedilink
66 hilabete

You’re always allowed to walk away. Leaving will have consequences and so will staying. You’re making a decision either way.

mekhos
mod
link
fedilink
56 hilabete

Healthy communication does not work like this. So ask yourself honestly what’s the source of the distress?

There will be a calm time in a few hours or days, when you can bring this event up again and gently describe how it feels to be “trapped” and yelled at - if it immediately escilates again (and you honestly are not activating things) you may be dealing with a narcissistic person, you should research it…

Salamander
link
fedilink
46 hilabete

I think I have only experience being yelled at by my parents and my grandma. Mostly as a kid, and not many times. My response is always to make a deer-in-headlights face and stare until I have the chance to speak, then I make a conscious effort to reply as calmly as possible something along the lines of “Ok, I understand what you are saying, but I don’t understand why it is necessary to say it so loudly”, and then they always lower their voice.

I think that if someone would continue yelling at me I would make an effort to hear what they say and then answer to them as if we were having a normal conversation. I would keep reminding them that they don’t need to hurt their vocal chords to have this conversation, but also reassure them that I understand that they are emotional and that I am not judging them. If they are rambling angrily, the conversation is not moving forward, and I am not amused, I would say that I don’t see this conversation progressing and go do something else, we can try again later. I might also suggest writing to each other instead of speaking.

If they are physically preventing me from walking away, then I would make my best effort to escape or call the police. But I assume that you did not mean that literally.

@QueenLilac@lemmy.ml
link
fedilink
16 hilabete

I like this a lot. Very smart ideas.

Had I tried this with my parents they would’ve accused me of “talkback” or “smarting off” … Lucky you were able to respond like this… Did they accuse you of “talk back” or “smarting off” ever?

Salamander
link
fedilink
36 hilabete

Hah, I can definitely see how it may come off as that. When I respond, I am genuinely trying to make peace, not trying to ‘win’, so I hope I don’t come out as a smart-ass. I also have not had many experiences of people yelling at me.

Last specific case I can remember, we were in a hotel and my father asked me if I could go to the lobby to ask for something. I asked “What’s the lobby’s number, I can call them”. My father got mad and yelled that he has been trying to call the lobby for 30 minutes and they are not answering, and that if I am too lazy to walk to the lobby he can go there himself. To that I answered that I can see why he might be frustrated, but I did not notice that he was calling the lobby, and that it was enough to let me know that he had already called without needing to yell. He then felt bad for yelling.

If someone is yelled at because of a more justified reason - like if they crashed a car while driving drunk - well then I don’t think that good communication is the way to diffuse that one. I’d say taking the yelling, accepting the responsibility and consequences one’s actions, and making the commitment to change, is the way forward.

@a_Ha@lemmy.ml
link
fedilink
36 hilabete

if she is a psycho, then you are screwed.
Otherwise, you may try sending a subtle message by putting ear plugs on 😆
… joke aside i feel your pain.

Graveyard Leprechaun
link
fedilink
26 hilabete

Any relationship where you are ‘not allowed’ to walk away is not a healthy relationship, and you should either seek out a qualified couples’ therapist or ‘allow’ yourself to leave the relationship.

@greensand@lemmy.ml
link
fedilink
26 hilabete

Depending on the type of person, it might work to simply walk out the door until the storm has calmed. Then proceed with cool rationality.

@seahorse@lemmy.ml
link
fedilink
26 hilabete

“no u”

Depends on what for, there’s no single route on what to do when someone screams at you.

@sexy_peach@feddit.de
link
fedilink
16 hilabete

developing and respecting your own clear boundaries is hard, but good for you and also sexy

Let me start off by saying all women should be respected! There is no excuse to misogyny in our world.

Now that I got that out of the way.

If she is yelling at you she probably suffers from 1 of a few things,

  1. She is hungry. Feed her.
  2. She is tired. Tell her to go take a nap.
  3. She is horny. Fuck her.
  4. All of the above. Some times you need to do all of these at once if she is really removed ya know? like feed her a good meal, fuck her, let her take a nap.
@jackoff@lemmy.ml
link
fedilink
0
edit-2
6 hilabete

I would look her in the eyes, pull out my dick and begin vigorously masterbating.

@Nyaa@lemmy.ml
link
fedilink
06 hilabete

If you’re not allowed to walk away, I suggest running away.

But in all seriousness, this is something that needs to be discussed head on because this is certain to be detrimental to your mental health. Not knowing any of the circumstances, I would say this is very unfair to you and symptoms of a one sided relationship.

I recommend talking to a marriage/relationship counselor or an outside trustworthy friend and getting some advice. It’s hard to think rationally about your next decision when under a stressful situation like this so make sure that you aren’t going through this alone.

I wish you the best of luck in this OP.

@jackoff@lemmy.ml
link
fedilink
-56 hilabete

G@y

@upvotebot5@lemmy.ml
link
fedilink
2
edit-2
5 hilabete

removed by mod

@upvotebot6@lemmy.ml
link
fedilink
1
edit-2
5 hilabete

removed by mod

@trumpwon@lemmy.ml
link
fedilink
-4
edit-2
6 hilabete

removed by mod

Jesse
link
fedilink
06 hilabete

Sounds like a comment I would expect from a handle such as @trumpwon

A loosely moderated place to ask open ended questions

If your post is

  1. Open ended
  2. Not offensive
  3. Not regarding lemmy support (c/lemmy_support)
  4. not ad nauseam inducing (please make sure its a question that would be new to most members)

it’s welcome here!

  • 0 users online
  • 14 users / day
  • 68 users / week
  • 155 users / month
  • 717 users / 6 months
  • 8 subscribers
  • 816 Posts
  • 9.68K Comments
  • Modlog