Yeah, I don’t know what Colorado’s laws are on this in general, but even if it’s technically legal it seems like a huge risk that someone is going to plausibly allege that given the specific facts denying them time off was race/religion/family status/… discrimination. It might be legal (don’t know), but it’s a stupid policy for a number of reasons.
Olive oil?
You wouldn’t live long, but compared to the other options you’re listing…