This article was about 20 times longer than it needed to be. Here’s the ultimate point:

no amount of data can sufficiently determine spacetime’s global properties. It is likely that there are no theorems strong enough to determine whether our Universe began in a past cataclysm. The Malament-Manchak theorem shows that we can’t know how time began – or even if it began.

For most of us it began with a bang, for a few the test tube.

Even science is distancing itself from the bazinga show