solved: Settings >> Chats >> Chat backups >> Create backup
all the instructions I can find for creating a backup are instructions for transferring my account to another phone, which is not what I’m trying to do. I just want a nice little zip file or something that I can save on some third party storage device.
Then you could have written that from the beginning and saved me the effort to find and post that link.
dude, go back to reddit. you can assume people are fucking morons over there to your heart’s content and you will probably always be right.