::: Cw suicide
I’ve known since I was 14 I was trans, ended up just having to suffer till I was 20, finally started estrogen, but ever since than it’s just be disgust and disappointment, I realize my body is just gross and repulsive regardless, like my genetics are just cursed. On top of that I have to same usual dead end job, I’m consider the goofy, unattractive person in every single group. I hate it. Outside of people who feel bad for me everyone avoids me cause I’m socially awkward. On top of not even being able to afford my bills I’ve never had an actual relationship. I’m an ugly degenerate loser by every single metric. I think at 23 my best bet is to pull out my credit card, do some research into a common pistol and its uses, walk into an academy, an tell them which gun I want and for common use etc, than go that parking lot I picked outside of town and pull the trigger. I picked it specifically cause it’s empty, no one but first responders will find me. I just feel so horrible but I’ve been in pain so long I honestly feel :::
The first couple of years of HRT are the most difficult. Check out the average timeline - big changes start to hit for most people around year 5. Once you’re 10 years in, no one will believe you’re trans and you’ll likely “forget you’re trans” most days.
I was in your shoes once upon a time, and I’m glad I stuck it out.
I’d be glad to be a resource if you want any practical advice on getting to where you want to be in your transition. That’s what this journey is all about, after all- making our outside match who we are inside.