Hi NSFW!
I’m looking for advice on verbal dominance. My life partner would love for me to get a bit better in that regard.
A little background:
I’m a dom, definitely. I’ve had several subs, do a lot of rigging and scenes, and in scene I’m very much vocally dominant. But that is because I have the leverage of whips and chains on my side.
The moment that goes away, as bratty as she is, I suddenly find myself out of words to use, and become a little uncertain on what to say, how to act, to keep her attention.
We’ve already talked about it but she can’t really explain what she needs to hear (and just reiterating that endlessly is bound to be uninteresting after a while).
Any tips, ideas, pointers, resources are welcome!
This is surprisingly common among D-types, and actually mostly takes a little practice to find your entry into it.
First of all: What you say matters much less than how you say it. I have been spouting nonsense, trivia, lecturing popscience with great effect.
How you say it will have to be tailored to you. Use mannerisms, modes and phrases as you please, it is partly conveying your dominance that you choose (power of agency), and also the simplest way to keep communicating clearly.
Also, you’ll want to find how the words complement your actions. I’m thinking that you’re used to using words in tandem with your other implements, and just need to broaden your repertoire. Start easy: use one thing less, introduce one new thing, or do it with grabbing/slapping/spanking interweaved between your comfortable combos.
For me, dominance is about keeping the initiative, supporting submissive behaviors, and rewarding good behaviour. One favorite game is thus to create a setting where it’s easy for my sub to service, like with some posture training, certain rope play, showing off, etc. I then make sure to keep them off balance enough that I still get to call the shots. “Arms higher, eyes down, chest out and breathe deeply for me, let me see that body move, dance, for me. What a lovely little body, and capable of so much pleasure as well. Arms higher! Don’t make me correct you again, it will be far less pleasant…”, and of course when they behave they get “good pet”, strokes and orgasms as appropriate.
As they surrender/space, they won’t be paying much attention to the actual words, and I can modulate my voice to say almost anything, and then just change it when I want them to pay attention.
This is loads of fun with brats, they often come up with rebellious ideas, and when talking like it’s easy to have them lose track, and eventually agree to the opposite of their point, or for even more fun, to agree that I pervert it into something they didn’t actually want. “Oh you want to escape from the ropes now? wWell, you should really have said so earlier, so that I could plan a proper rope session safe enough for you to struggle in, now I have to do all this extra work to make sure nothing risks slipping in a dangerous way, taking me out of my flow, and also not giving me a proper chance to RACK the session. I think the only way we’re going to have this work is if I get to watch very closely, so that I can interrupt if something dangerous happens. Now, how would we go about making sure you notice me while you’re struggling? I’m thinking we’re gonna need something that makes a noise, and physical sensation enough for you to notice, don’t you agree? Good thing I have this cane handy here, I’ll also need to make sure nothing is too tight or has restricted blood flow, so I’ll also be poking you with the cane from time to time to make sure. And as I’m going through all this trouble for you, you’ll have to do something for me as well, that’s only fair no? How about you show me some appreciation for all this extra work, how about you continuously praise me for being such a generous, caring and nice dom? At least until you’ve broken free.”
In that barrage of semiplausible phrases, you can easily substitute any activity (maybe you get to spit in their mouth to gauge if they’re still OK? Or get to tickle them? Or use a rolled up newspaper? Or have appreciation breaks with praise and/or oral pleasure?)
There are countless ways to communicate, so what works for you may differ, and that is as should be.
What you’re doing is a perfect example of Ericksonian hypnosis language patterns. I never thought of that before.
Good point, I do enjoy hypnoplay, but here it was mostly to keep narration that can be followed in text.
In real life, I don’t necessarily use the patter rhythm (although that can also be fun), but the progression is about similar.
This is amazing advice, I got so much great advice! Thank you!