Alrighty, I finally told her I know. So now maybe she’ll stop getting so angry, and I can keep focusing on trying to find a job, and making my resume better. I really screwed up giving up so often trying to please her, as I’ve got diddly squat for skills (for non-physical labor), so this is going to be hell. O_o.

Unless I can find a botanical garden that needs someone without skills that knows a lot about ferns, 🤣 .

Man, I have a lot of knowledge in my head, assembly & c programming, wiring up houses, woodworking (carpentry, design, etc), hell I bet I could have learned cad in just a few months, but alas, NOOOOOOO! I’m 50 now, me brain no learn well any more, and I’m in too much pain to be able to do much for the 8 hours needed. FFS! 😠

Nope. I realized back in 2018 that she really doesn’t know me. She’s never seen that I like to clean, and that throughout my life with these pains I’ve tried so hard to find ways to keep the house clean, and she’d always get mad at me for it (Justifiably and not at the same time).

Which, unfortunately, giving up so often has really caused a huge problem, learned behavior is going to be troubling to deal with. Meh, if I don’t get something done with my pains (Or a safer job found) and the issues solved from the NSAIDs, the “bad learned behavior” is going to be the least of my problems.

Eh, because I didn’t throw a piece of trash away. Or I don’t have a job. Or I don’t do anything around the house (Yeah, the house is a blasted mess, but every time I feel good I clean, and rare times my body let’s me clean thoroughly), I don’t fix things in a timely manner. Or because I’m lying about my pains. Or because her dad told her to. Lots of reasons actually. A few deserved, most not, though. This has actually been ongoing since we got together. “Like father, like son”, or “Cats in the cradle”, or “sins of the father”, you might say.

Oh, there are definitely things, but unfortunately they are dwarfed by that I got my multiple chronic pains early on in our relationship, and her culture views people who don’t work full time as being lazy. So, she pretty much has spent no time with me in these 25 years, and doesn’t really know much about me. Then all the other things that go along with that, cemented her opinions.

Eh, to give an example (Not one of the really severe ones. Oh there are some bad ones), when the pains started up I attempted to make chores lists for me, her, and the kids. Nothing difficult, pick up 5 things once a day. Wash two/three/four dishes. Pull up a chair and sit with me to keep my mind off of my pains. Her reasoning was since I didn’t work (both full time and not at all), and they worked or went to school, they didn’t have to help. Plus, for the kitchen, since she never asked for me to make home cooked meals, they didn’t have to help me clean up the kitchen.

Have you considered maybe leaving this situation?

Oh yeah. That’s why I’m here now, unfortunately. I attempted to leave in 2017, but I forced myself to work full time as an electrician. Now, granted, electrical work is easy. Really really really easy work, but the three years doing furniture delivery between 2000-2002 made everything hard. Doesn’t matter what it is, sitting, standing, walking, or laying down. Everything is hard. Well, when I pushed myself for full time it broke my body to the point where I have not been able to be comfortable since. Then in 21, out of desperation I took the NSAIDs a doctor prescribed me, which made things so much worse.

And with that, I have to be extremely cautious about what I do, if I can even find a job. Someone here has made an offer, and for a healthy individual, it’d be nothing. Probably the easiest job they’d ever have, but for me, it’s going to be really really hard. It’s going to be like the most stressful and painful day most people have had at least once a year, every…single…day…hour…minute…

There’s no escape.

Ok, I could part with the HP pavillion and my toshiba laptop, as long as I had a place to put a desktop, but those two can’t be worth more than $150, $200 maximum.

These are things I was (sort of) allowed to collect over my working years. I was berated every time I saved money, so I had used these things as ways of attempting to make money. I just didn’t count on the home environment making that almost impossible.

OOOOH! I had completely forgotten about the things I’ve collected over the years (in preparation for the pains being too great to work)…I could always sell them on route somewhere.

I’ve got at least about $600 worth of Native American style flutes (total spent is much higher, though, and was planning on leaving them for my nieces and nephews).

Also, I’ve got a lot of tools, Makita cordless (eh, probably about $200, $450 at maximum. They are old), Sroll saw, belt sander, stationary belt sander, cheap drill press (Probably not worth more than $250 to $400…They are definitely not the best machines…Well, except for the two belt sanders, however, there both worth no more than about $80, O_o).

Math books, though, they’d only bring about $100 to $175 (Number theory, combinatorics, abstract, linear mostly).

What else do I have? Not my computers…Those are about the only things that my body allows me to enjoy regularly, 🙁 . I do have some miniature cat trees for dollhouses I used to make. If I can sell those at full price, en route, that could bring about $175.

So there’s a chance I could make it a month or two, 🤔 .

I have started getting pissed at people who snap at someone “Don’t necro this post” (Or any of the numerous other things they say), on information that is well outdated that could fucking seriously use an updated answer.

End rant…I’d prefer not, though…I want to keep this rant going.

Oddly enough, they are kind of bland with honey. 😶. Great with butter, though. Still trying to think of something else to try with them, but unfortunately brain is blank. Family won’t help me clean, and am in quite a bit of pain, and being one of the major holiday cooks, I’m kind of stressing a bit, heh. Got so much to clean…I’ll try to think of something to eat with these…I hope, heh.

Hmm! That does sound good.

Lets see.

1/2 c. buckwheat
1 c. unbleached flour
6 Tbls. buttermilk powder (It’s what I happen to have, 🤷‍♂️ ).
1/2 tsp. Salt
1 Tbls. Sugar
1/4 c. Ground pumpkin seeds.

Soften 1 tsp. yeast in 3/4 cup warm water. Mix all ingredients with 1 Tbls. melted butter. Let sit covered for an hour, then place in the fridge over night. Can add more flour the next day if it’s too moist (Can’t remember the liquid to dry ratios, but unimportant for the first part. I can adjust for more/less when necessary).

(update: Ok, that was the perfect amount of liquid. I’ll touch up some more flour when I place it in the fridge…On the other hand. Should have been more pumpkin seeds, or less flours. Meh! Will have to do…maybe I’ll find the will to grind more seeds up before I fry/bake it, heh).

And I would mix it today for a deeper flavor.

Slept pretty horribly last night which makes my pains worse, so I’ll push it back for tomorrow. Which will give me a chance to let it sit.

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Oh, that’s just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. I’ve got plans to incorporate a plaque that can be hung on a wall afterwards, that will use elements of both her grandpa, great uncle, and this uncle, heh. I’ve got my part figured out, just need to finish the other two…and I think I just got my dad’s figured out. He was known for growing russian olives, and there’s only a few branches left…I could carve a heart in a cross section, and place one of my claws in side of it…That’s what I’ll do…Now just one more…For our great uncle…We’ll be heading to his farm to find something next week. 🤞

I’ve got three ideas, but all using the same basic foundation. Four legs, two walls, and a removeable top piece (if lucky, a rounded arch, if not, a triangular arch. Depending on the kinds of branches I can find. Sort of a half desert, grassland, around here, so not a great location for wood hunting. ).

This is my first choice for the sides

Woke up early, prepared my work area for making an arch for my niece’s wedding. Wife doesn’t like my thoughts on it, but that’s nothing new.

Right now, I found a way to make the couch more comfortable (wasn’t allowed to choose the couch, so got stuck with one that is uncomfortable as all hell, and hurts my spine). So I can sleep with my cats. Spine and food (GERD) is trying to kill me, though, but that’s nothing new.