My dad has recently been caught having an affair with his young personal assistant. Huge scandal; mom was very angry. Now they’re in the middle of divorce proceedings. Mom moved out, the other woman moved in and I chose to stay with him because we’re super close; he’s like my best friend. Now mom’s telling me to go and live with her and go no contact with him cause he’s a bad person and by continuing having a relationship with him I’m condoning his actions and “ignoring her suffering”. My relationship with my dad hasn’t changed, I don’t see why I should end it.
Nah. I’ll keep my family values
You can go have fun blowing up a family and chalk it up to “whoops. Just another mistake”
If you are this allergic to nuance, I recommend staying away from threads that require logical/rational breakdowns of heavily-emotional topics.
You can’t just jump the gun (having fun blowing up families) about someone just because they answered OOPs question in an impartial manner.
So if you seriously cannot engage with this topic without resuming to attacks, I implore you to take a step back, reasess, and move on to something else.
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Not from Kansas. Well traveled and have seen a bunch of relationships. I’ve seen people get divorced and I’ve seen infidelity.
I have immeasurably more respect for those that get divorced no matter how hard it is. Breaking the vow through being a cheater is about as low as you can go.
Sorry you don’t hold marriage to sanctity it should be
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Says the man posting from lemmynsfw. Things in your second marriage must be going super well
If you held marriage to any standard, a man breaking his vows to sleep WITH HIS ASSISTANT should be pretty deplorable. And recommended an atleast young adult to just brush past that like it’s just another mistake is insane.
Yeah, just look the other way that he figuratively slapped your mom across the face. Atleast he’s cool though
Ah yes, you’re one of those who think porn is a sin. Explains a lot about your attitude in the comments here.
Never said porn was a sin
But that person had a choice to make an account on any instance they wanted to, and chose to make it on the most inappropriate one they could find.
Just saying
It’s not a sin, it’s just inappropriate. God you’re a judgemental dick
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Yes, I am judgemental of people who are advocating for not having the back of a noncheating parent.
“Oh she’s being mean by saying dont talk to him. How could she”
He literally fucked his assistant behind her back. What he did was 100x as worse. But its ok. He’s fun though!
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Nah. Im allowed to do whatever I want.
And I want to call out people for excusing an affair. The dad could have done it the right way, like an actual adult. Asking for a divorce is hard, but immeasurably easier emotionally to the person you make a commitment to than sneaking around and finally getting caught WITH YOUR ASSISTANT
No one is excusing an affair. People are merely trying to help OOP navigate an emotionally complex situation: wanting to keep contact with their father despite the circumstances, and wondering if their mother’s actions are justifiable or not.
You can do whatever you want, but that does not absolve you of consequences.
I only gave you genuine advice, taking breaks/disengaging is helpful. I cannot force you, ofcourse, there’s only so much I can do.
So please consider above, and have a nice day
Hey I know this guy just did one of the most deplorable things a man can do, but just continue having fun with him. It’ll be fine.
I’m curious to learn what you think about your username in this context? What crime are you partner in and is it only breaking a partnership that is an unforgivable crime?
Are you a whale, Ross?
Yes. Now your turn, my morally incorruptible dude.
Cool. I also love lying to make a point
Jaywalking. I’ll be your partner in jaywalking cause it was made up by the motor industry to pass on pedestrians getting hit onto the pedestrian instead of the driver
To bad you’ll never get to experience it though, being your a whale and all
I’m not the one that is making claims of perfection on people. You are. It seems to me you are not living up to your own high standards on others though.
But it is ok. Again, see point 2.
Im not saying people have to be perfect. Cheating with your assistant is faaaar from perfect though.
Get a divorce and move on. To show your kid the right way in life. Dude failed that though. Showed his child that family is nothing. And the child is now supposed to just continue being family with him cause he’s fun
They should be having thier mother’s back, as they didn’t go an do one of the lowest things you can do in a marriage
Yeah, the father made a mistake. You’re the one that conflates making a mistake with an oopsie, nobody else has made that equivalence. Mistakes can be big and they can take lots of effort to correct. OP will surely deal with this in their own time and way with all the complex and contradictory and painful thoughts emotions.
But - OP is not an adult when living with their parents. Children or young adults are not adults. They have a dependency on their parents. OP is not responsible for their father. OP should not be required to take responsibility for their father’s mistakes. OP is getting caught in the middle of the worst conflict a child can be caught up in and they did nothing to deserve it.
I think what you are doing is projecting high moral ideals into this that are inconsiderate regarding the consequences when OP is asking for help and advice and support. This is the last thing OP needs right now and it is not helping them in any way. OP is in a moment of crisis.
Discuss morality all you want but this is the wrong context for it.
? It was literally point number 3 you made. How people make mistakes and it happens
The OP asked if they should have their mother’s back even though it means not having their best friend
Yes. Their best friend stooped to one of the lowest places they can go and now they want to stand by them. If they do, theyre are bad by association and deserve their mother eventually not talking to them either.
Edit: if he’s such a best friend, he’ll make amends with her even if they choose their mother right now.