I travel around my (deep purple) state with a satchel of various brassicas. Going out of the house in this area without a curated collection of cruciferous comestibles would be like going into a hot war without merely a sidearm.
Everyone knows that any green thing can ward off the common MAGA chud, but many are unaware that so-called “enlightened” centrists are actually attracted to broccoli. Don’t be fooled. For them, you must brandish brussels sprouts - preferably still attached to a long stalk. Then, launch into a cooking lesson, but do NOT DETACH OR BOIL THE SPROUTS. You will have your quarry at the first hint of Maillard’s reaction, and they will either join your cause or become total hermits.
Liberals will claim to favor kale, but I’ve had success presenting them with multiple diverse varietials while explaining that “Lacinato” and “Dinosaur” are both equally accurate and acceptable terms when used to refer to the bumpy, dark green kind. Your utter indifference to - and rejection of - their “correct” preference will eventually send them into a blind, self-destructive rage - if you’re patient and hold the line. Just be sure to stand outside their blast radius when they finally go.
You must be creative and self-assured when it comes to libertarians, but try showing off a fresh romanesco cauliflower while delivering a long-winded (but efficient) diatribe in which you logically interweave fractals, calculus, coastlines, cacti, psychedelics and concepts of cognitive sovereignty. Once they sense that you have more than a surface-level understanding of these topics, and genuinely care about how they each relate to objective, consensus reality, they pathetically slink away like old goats, having fired not a single round of reloaded ammunition out of their bespoke 3d-printed handgun.
Ah yes, Christian Nationalist attacks on other Abrahamic religions. How’s that poly blend mask fitting these days?
Do these people who claim to be Christian even know their beloved book? It doesn’t seem so, at least they don’t act like it.
Too many nots, I’m tangled.
I admit, King Jameses language is somewhat outdated. You can select another version of the bible in the drop-down at the top.
Bacon is to Muslims as Broccoli is to a White Nationalist.
I travel around my (deep purple) state with a satchel of various brassicas. Going out of the house in this area without a curated collection of cruciferous comestibles would be like going into a hot war without merely a sidearm.
Good luck out there!
10/10. Would read again.