Hello there, I’m a 21 year old guy from Germany and have very strong depression because of the constant abusive, toxic and manipulative behavior that I received from my parents since I was a kid.
Those strong depression are also the reason why I struggle a lot in life to get anything done by myself and become independent.
I already lived on my own when I was 17 but I failed because of my depression that made me incapable of taking care of myself which is why I moved back to my parents a year ago who only make it way worse for me because they won’t stop hurting me and treating me like an awful person.
I feel so stuck in life and I tried everything from therapy, mental hospital and medications but nothing worked. The burden is just too strong causing me to feel worthless and incapable of living, I have lots of shame, guilt and major anxiety.
It’s like being paralyzed by the fear of life.
My biggest dream always was to get rid of my parents and live independently on my own but I’m just incapable. I wanna get rid of this victim state so bad but I can’t find a way to escape/deal with the hurt.
Is there anything I can do?
I have been depressed in the past and it took me 10 years of spiraling downward till i hit rock bottom somehow I bounced back up and started practicing better personal care(self love) by excercising more and going out and engaging in conversation with strangers (without putting any expectations of somthing more on them or myself). Eventually self care became easier and I stopped looking for the “why i am” of it all and focused i on the “how i can”. Im not perfect and depression is still there in the background but I don’t have to give those feelings all my time.
I hope it doesn’t take you 10 years. It could take longer. Life isn’t easy. It’s even harder when you don’t love yourself, and loving yourself is hard to learn from parents who don’t love themselves. Break the cycle your progenitors are trapped in. Save yourself.