Like, if she asks me some question that I’m afraid to answer, I literally just freeze. I also find myself in the mentality of “it’s not worth talking to them unless they’re forcing answers out of you”.
My parents almost never say anything nice about me. To them I’m just “the bad one”. When they criticize me, most of the time I just roll my eyes and say nothing unless I’m required to because in most cases, either they’ve probably said it like a million times (and I still couldn’t fix), or it’s something that I don’t agree with, or it just makes me angry and gets me in the attitude of “it’s not worth talking to them about this”. Of course, I do try to listen when it’s something legitimate.
They also used to control me a lot. Like, they’d always be controlling my studying, and ask me for my grades (or just log into my school account and check my grades directly) and yell at me and/or be dissapointed when I got bad marks. Hence, I used to lie a lot to them. When I got into university, this simply eventually got unbearable for me, I ended up resisting - getting in fights with my parents when they tried to spank me, putting a new password on my school account, and putting a new lock on my door which now requires a key in order to unlock. They eventually gave up on trying to control me.
However, I don’t have any problems getting along with or talking to anyone else outside of my family (I guess because my friends have been a lot nicer to me and more accepting).
My parents also openly criticize anything that I like, calling me a weirdo, especially my mother who I personally think is a people pleaser. I used to go running and biking a lot (and I mean like a few km’s of running and maybe like 10 - 20 km on my bike), and mom used to call me crazy for that (although I don’t do it as much now because I have school). I have also developed a hobby of playing around with vintage technology and developed a love for walkmans and cassette tapes, and mom just calls it junk and again calls me crazy. Personally though, if I like it, I don’t mind anyone calling me a crazy weirdo, but sometimes it just gets to me.
I’ve been wanting to be more independent and would rather them not have to do anything for me. Like I’ve recently learned how to cook some of my own food (and I do so when I have time and when there’s nothing that’s already cooked in the kitchen). However, my mom still calls me selfish when I procrastinate and don’t do certain things because she thinks I expect her to do it even though I never really asked her to do it. I don’t really know if it’s valid or not, but my mom also calls me selfish when I go into the kitchen at around 11 PM to grab some food (when I’m hungry and I usually try not to do that but I sometimes come home very late) and says it bothers my siblings who go to bed at that time, but I guess they could just put in ear plugs and eye masks, right?
I still unfortunately live with my parents and I’ve really wanted to move out, but I couldn’t because I’ve never had a job and so I could never afford to live on my own. I’ve been trying to find a job now for like half a year, but with no success.
Part of me also just wants to be more open with my parents and have a nice relationship with them, but another part of me thinks that it will probably never happen and that I shouldn’t give them too much info. Is it still possible to fix before I eventually move out? Am I also selfish like my mom says I am?
I can’t know your situation beyond what you say so I have three thoughts:
For your parents:
If you never talk to them, role your eyes when they talk to you, and don’t understand them wanting you to do well I imagine they may find you somewhat defensive.
My mother also called me crazy or weird for wanting to get cassette tapes. Did she say it rudely or are you preemptively taking everything as rude?
Idk what getting food at night looks like for you but if you’re banging around making noise in the kitchen at 11pm and wanting your family to put up with it with eye masks and ear plugs is selfish. Your home isn’t a dorm. Personally that would drive me insane but you could be quiet and she is being overly dramatic. My parent can be that way.
Putting up with them:
On the other side I will say getting older you really do begin to see the faults in your family. They most likely won’t change. Either you limit contact or find a way to put up with it. Something do require having thicker skin. My mother will do anything I need if I ask her but she can sometimes be headstrong. It’s the same in marriage I think, as you go in there are things that become annoying and you have to choose what’s more important. For me it’s family.
For you:
I do have a parent that was so bad and is so narcissistic dark triad like that I have stopped contacting them. Before the last thing that happened we were trying to rekindle until I think they crossed a line that was enough for me, forever. You have to think deeply what you want. Only you know.
I’m just yapping in response to your thoughts. I tried to think it through in different ways. I would advise you to talk with someone in your life who knows them so you can better consider your options moving forward.
I wish you the best
There are two sides to this situation. OP may be feeling defensive because of past negative interactions and criticism. As much as it’s OP’s responsibility to work at unpacking their feelings and reactions, it’s also the parents’ responsibility to do the same with respect to how they interact with their child.
Does it matter how it’s said? Being called crazy or weird for being passionate about something feels dismissive and demeaning, especially if you’re already struggling with your mental health.
Ok. Overly dramatic? I don’t know. Some of my siblings sleep on the same floor as the kitchen on a couch in a room with no doors (because we have a lot of people in a small house). I try to be quiet and not make too much light though and not to go to the kitchen when they’re already sleeping.
If I’m asleep and someone is banging around with pots and pans cooking that is annoying, especially if there are no doors.
If all you got from my long comment was overly dramatic about a potential critique of you then I’m thinking we know the issue.