My sister-in-law has them all throughout her house and I’m just like, “You know you have a teenage boy, right? You ready for that?”

When I was an adolescent, I dreamt that I performed oral sex on a woman by putting my entire head inside of her vagina. Turns out that cunnilingus is nothing like my premonition, but I certainly had the texture figured out.

Internet says there’s no admission, so I must have misremembered that part. We did look around the gift shop a bit.

My wife and I found ourselves near Mt. Rushmore by happenstance durin a road trip several years back. We knew the history, but stopped in to see it for ourselves. We found it to be extremely shitty and underwhelming. The natural area behind the monument was incredible, and I absolutely understand why the indigenous people believed this place to be sacred, but the front was small, tacky, and depressing. I wish I could refund our admission and give it to some chill natives at a gas station instead.

Immigration Canada: “Prove to us that your marriage is genuine. Prove that it wasn’t for immigration purposes.”

My wife and I: “You sure you want that?”

Immigration Canada: “Make with the proof.”

My wife and I: 400 pages, front and back, of Skype call logs/timestamps. A fucking literal ream of paper

I swear “quietly” is the new “slams”.

There was so much magic in this game. That soundtrack and overall atmosphere was incredible. I remember trying it in little bite-sized pieces at Toys R Us and the McDonald’s lobby and being really blown away.

That cat was born in a pool of gasoline, on a piece of rusty scrap metal!

Grand Prix on Atari was pretty fun.

Do you believe that we are in any kind of high-road position at this point in time?

Wild how accurate this is. My five-year-old is tough as nails because we’ve never once overreacted to her having a spill. Always, always play it cool like nothing even happened. Smile and make light of it. “Holy smokes, kid! You’re like a tumbling monkey!” They’ll usually realize it was kind of funny.

Unless they get up and start bawling frantically, they’re neither hurt nor afraid.

Did you also meticulously research how to close your comment with the lamest fucking sentence possible?

It would just be dismissed as AI now. Everything like that will be dismissed as AI.

That’s one way of looking at it. I always perceived the distinction to be more of an intended disgrace upon ex-Americans who have left the country. “Guess you’re no longer a patriot then.”

It’s the (stupid) legal term of an American who has moved abroad. Even my tax returns are done through “expat services”.

I’m an expat who has been a permanent resident of Canada since 2017, and it’s a horror show watching Trump receive a second term and then turn on Canada. I know his threat of invasion/buying Canada or whatever is all peacocking, but if in ten years I’ve been thrust back into the American healthcare system, I’ll throw myself off of a bridge.

Heard an old bitch (Alberta) complaining yesterday in my store about something Joe Biden did.

They’re all orange down here, Georgie…

Macho Pillow. It’s a big dick bicep shaped pillow for strong, conservative men. Nothing sexual.

You know, I went onto DALL-E/Bing Image Creator to the to generate a photo-realistic image of a slug partying beneath the stars, and that piece of shit does not know what a slug is. Every single prompt just gave me snails. But maybe they were disco snails.

Great video, BTW.