meh. you’re not a psycho.

compassion is a muscle. if you’ve never spent much time, dedication, or effort working on empathizing with other people you won’t be good at it (or even think about it).

we just so happen to live in society where those skills are not as rewarded compared to being self centered, independent, and ruthless. conditions maketh the man. hang out with someone who’s got a lot of compassion and concern for the feelings of others and you’ll quickly realize what you thought was your personality is actually a learned maladaptive response to living in a cruel and apathetic world.

🧑‍🍳🤌

they knew what they were signing up for.

godspeed you glorious kamikaze children!

actual bonding comes later, first you have to spend a bunch of time just being in the presence of other people. make acquaintances using a common activity first is a good approach.

that you say “willing to” already kinda sounds like you don’t give others much opportunity to get to know you and vice versa. as another commenter said - you may be stuck in a self limiting loop.

make opportunities for connection first - find a litter clean up volunteer event, or a community garden where they need help, or an after school club, or a friendly working class bar (this was my place of choice for years until I found better alternatives)… the specific place or context doesn’t matter. find an activity or thing you enjoy (or could see yourself enjoying) and where other people can see/be around you… and eventually, completely unplanned you will invariably get to know people and then, maybe… bond with them. bonding isn’t a prerequisite to talking and sharing information about yourself or your struggles though. it can be as simple as pulling up a bar stool and raising a glass to someone you just met. or the non alcoholic equivalent if you don’t drink, I guess.

it’s a shitty time to be alive for many of us. some have it much worse than others, and there’s truly no rational explanation why things are this way. I’m sorry for your pain and what you’re going through. you don’t deserve it. no one does. glib life advice from strangers on the internet should not be given lightly or taken too seriously… but, since you asked directly, here goes.

1. find someone who will listen and commiserate, preferably irl. who and where will vary wildly dependending on your circumstances but consider that many people nowadays are longing for someone to connect with (not romantically, just someone who can listen without judgement). if you learn to reciprocate that vibe, you’ll find someone in no time.

2. exercise, move your body around for at least 30 minutes continuously, every damn day. doesn’t matter what, just MOVE. walk around your neighborhood, back and forth to the store, or even around the campus/work parking lot at lunch. bonus points if you can convince someone else to walk with you.

3. disable all notifications on your phone, except critical contacts like close family or friends, (or work if you have serious responsibilities - gotta pay those bills).you need to reclaim your time as your own. agency is a big part of self dignity, and having a machine dictate your time is dehumanizing.

4. hang out around other people in a public space, preferably where nature can be enjoyed or where laughter can be heard. just watch and listen to the world. a park bench, a library, a dive bar (not a sports bar with TVs or tourists, but regulars). participating in the rhythm of social and natural spaces can be a kind of mindfulness and gets the juices flowing so to speak.

more ideas come to mind but this might be a start. good luck stranger. ps, check out “tragic optimism”. has helped me a lot over the years. take care.

if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck…