the current job shows me my own limitations, which are more with my colleagues than with the job itself.

but ain’t this not one of your limitations, but theirs? This sentence makes it look like your coworkers slow you down.

could you write what your limitations with your coworkers look like? This is to me a very abstract concept.

And I am extra vigilant, take responsibility for the safety of those around me at all times.

could you write an example of this? I don’t quite get it.

Say I try to apply this to nursing, it would mean I start checking if my coworkers do their job up to standard, which would be ridiculous, extremely taxing and not my job. Or am I understanding this the wrong way?

I just want to do MY job, not be responsible for other’s lack of structure and laziness.

Good luck friend.

thanks for that

and which one are those?

Right, given that you answered genuinely and constructively I’m answering you.

This stuff being the first thing that comes to your mind when you start talking about this coworker I think tells us more about you than it does about the coworker.

yes, it tells you I mean she is unfit to do this job.

I see a nurse who to me is incapable of doing this job because, as said, she won’t pick up any tray or serve food and beverages, and I don’t want to work with a person like this because it means I have to be the one serving her patients as well as mine and as said this unit is chronically understaffed. It’s very frustrating being the one moving patients and delivering food trays and beverages while she sits in front of a computer. This is not what I signed up for.

I don’t know how future me nearing retirement is going to be, but it’s clear I have to quit bedside or study something else, precisely not to become this coworker because as you said, nursing is hard as f*ck on the body.

You write “She deserves some credit, some respect, and some empathy – you’re going to be there too, someday.” You speak like somebody who has the luxury of not having to deal with the consequences of a coworker who gives you the physically harder tasks while she, as said, sits. You understands it’s a bit difficult for me to agree with you, right? Options for her? retire or move to a desk position, both perfectly legitimate options, but don’t pretend to qualify for a job she physically cannot do anymore. Hell, even I cannot sometimes.

OTOH this is not as much her fault as management’s and society’s at large: If we had 3 RN instead of 2, we possibly wouldn’t have this problem, reason why the best I can do might be keep looking for another position, quit this one ASAP and think about studying to get away from nursing. No wonder nobody wants to be a nurse with this job conditions: just today 6 ICU RNs working quit, if you believe one of my coworkers. This ship is sinking.

Happy downvoting I guess.

I got one “nurse” who was proactive and was an asset to my team, but they got pushed out since they didn’t play the game the way other “nurses” did.

and this exactly is why I left my old unit. A doctor like you is the one who wrote me the recommendation letter.

exactly. Nurses there are proud of not thinking critically.

Are you being considerate of the doctors’ time and attention?

well, he came into the unit, I introduced myself and I asked him what I described.

A person in a hurry keeps his answers short and doesn’t proactively explain in detail what’s important when working with a PCA device at that unit, how to check the catheter wound and how to check that the patient’s legs are not completely numb. To me, he saw somebody new wanting to learn and engaged. He even showed me how to refill the PCA.

I always ask if I may ask a question, giving them the chance to tell me if they’re busy. If they don’t want to answer the question, I leave them alone.

unsure. The doctor that did most of the talking didn’t complain and had an ability to work and explain at the same time, something I couldn’t do.

with other doctors I introduced myself and got to talk about studying medicine and clinical chemistry, but not for long.

At my old unit I had problems with nurses, not with doctors. Doctors are not the reason I left that unit, but nurses.

Since you just said “ok” without explanation or complaint, and then hung up, thats very matter of fact, straight to the point, and lacks the more emotional response most neurotypical people would have.

because I don’t want drama and when I work I get, as you put it, straight to the point. Why wasting words and time? What do I achieve if I yell and insult back? I become a moron yelling to another moron.

I’ve seen people walked out for less andI work in a factory.

now I’m curious. Would you tell us about it?

The way you responded was more indicative of being autistic to an extent.

would you please elaborate? What gives me away?

me: Hi, I’m A and tomorrow I’ll be working with you. Can you tell me how many patients do you have today at the unit?

her: what for? (she sounded exasperated).

me: I want to know how much I have to work.

her: are you stupid? (aggressively)

me: I beg your pardon?

her: are you stupid? [insert rant here she started I didn’t listen to because when people yell at me I disconnect and if she already made up her mind not to answer me, why bother? Plus, how many of you can have a conversation with somebody yelling at you?]

me: fine [I hung up]

FYI, the medical community is one of the worst from the popularity contest perspective.

could you write examples of is worse here than in other industries? Are some units worse than others? Some regions worse than others?

promoting team cohesion and performance is one of our primary responsibilities, as is stepping up and leading when necessary.

are you a nurse or doctor working in a hospital?

I don’t agree with your last part: it’s not my fault that a unit is controlled by lazy gossips and the manager does nothing to make a more welcoming workplace for the quiet, working ones because she either is too coward to confront the lazy bullies or enjoys the attention or believes she is not going to find better employees. I do not work with people like that anymore, nor do I socialize with these kind of people, neither it’s my job to promote performance and my paycheck sure reflects that. That’s a manager’s job.

I take this job as seriously as my coworkers. If they go smoking for an hour and let me alone to take care of the whole unit your model fails. If they spend their first 90 minutes consciously not working but gossiping and I’m the only one checking vitals and charting your model fails. If the popular and lazy ones control the narrative and paint me as the uncooperative nurse while I work and they do nothing and the manager believes them over me your model also fails. To lead up I need to see that my coworkers know their shit and that they actually do that, something I hope to find at my new unit.

This post might sound a bit abrasive, not my intention.

if OP isn’t masking then neurotypicals will likely see OP as rude, cold, or robotic.

assuming that your post is in good faith, do you understand how tiring and ludicrous it is to pretend something you are not?

Should we advice gays to pretend not being gay?

It’s not my fault some of my coworkers stopped growing up immediately after leaving high school. I just want to work and go home.

And folks who are neurotypical are going to find what you said a hard pill to swallow.

why? are people really this thin skinned?

fwiw these people I described are not the doctors, but like 40% of the nurses. Doctors are not the reason I quit, but these nurses are. I’m actually gonna miss working with some nurses here, the good ones, the drama free ones.

Often in life you have to pretend to “fit in”, it’s just the price of living in a society.

does that means listening to dumb stories I don’t care about? My brain starts yelling me to leave.

It would be bearable if they didn’t act like children (another coworker, a neurotypical one if you like, told me that).

thank you for this great advice

but don’t you hate your life or makes it very miserable and tiring?

I mean, expecting everyone to fuck me over would make me angrier I believe, like going to work and constantly ruminate about how every coworker and client is going to ruin my day.

If you are a cynic, how do you don’t ruminate?

or is cynicism more ‘no expectations no disappointments’?

You need a different manager. Distancing yourself from the one you have doesn’t sound realistic: Their job is to not be distant.

I’m lost here: what is their job?