Hey there, thanks for taking the time to read. I’ve been feeling bad for some time now and figured now is a good a time as any to share.

I am having a pretty serious issue with activating myself lately. I’ve been sidelined from work since the beginning of September. In this time I’ve been speaking to several healthcare professionals and colleagues. I’m currently in the process of finding a therapist.

I’ve recently drawn the conclusion that I do not sometimes have bad days, I’m pretty much down every day but I have moments that I’m fine. The fine moments are getting more scarce though…

Today I am writing to you because my mind does not know what it wants. I can’t decide if I wanna call my friends and have a beer or if I want to curl up on my bed and cry.

Anyway, that was what I wanted to share. Thanks for reading.

    • Vinny_93@lemmy.worldOP
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      10 days ago

      I am extra disappointed in myself the days I don’t do anything worthwile and that is what really gets me down.

      The hardest part is knowing exactly why it’s okay to not be okay and still be okay with not being okay.

      I wanna thank you, Kevin, and wish you good luck on your way up.

    • Vinny_93@lemmy.worldOP
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      10 days ago

      Don’t worry about it. I’ve been parroting Charlie Cunningham: we’ve all got hills to climb.

  • foggy@lemmy.world
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    10 days ago

    Sounds like you’re on it but I always feel compelled to share.

    Finding a therapist is the hardest part. Youve finally decided you just can’t take it anymore and you need help, and now you must navigate something nobody ever explained to you. Welp, here’s all you need to know

    Find your insurance card. Not insured? Get on Medicare. Google your states phone number and take care of that.

    Then from your insurer (medicaid or whatever) ask someone to email you a list of “approved mental healthcare practicioners that are in my network.”

    Take this list over to psychologytoday.com and search for practicioners that treat your issue(s)

    Email/call them all. They probably won’t answer right away. Leave a message asking about whether or not they’re taking new patients.

    This is where it really sucks, but hang in there. What if they suck? 😫

    Yeah. You went through all that, dumped your soul out in hopes of relief, and just… Not your kinda person.

    Back to the list. Try again.

    This cycle is brutal. But when you find a therapist that works, it’s all worth it.

    Hang in there.

    • Vinny_93@lemmy.worldOP
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      10 days ago

      Hey foggy, thanks for your advice. Luckily I don’t live in the United States.

      My health insurance has an app that shows al therapists within a certain radius that are covered. The websites of the therapists themselves have wait times on them. It’s just the matter of ging through intakes and then find the right one and wait until they have time to treat me.

  • RizzRustbolt@lemmy.world
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    10 days ago

    It sounds like from your other posts that you’re spiralling badly. The only way to break out of a depression spiral is to do something radically different. Any urge to isolate and feel miserable is the spiral talking.

    So maybe go out with your friends and talk them about how you’re feeling. They may just surprise you with some well needed compassion. And talking about it always helps.

    • Vinny_93@lemmy.worldOP
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      10 days ago

      My other posts? I thought for a second I was going insane so I had a look and this is the first time over posted here.

      That said, I agree that I am not improving. I’m trying to talk as much as I can to anyone who will listen. I have friends with experience in the field and they are very open to support me. I just have to gather my thoughts in order to talk about what I need.

      • Jesus_666@lemmy.world
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        10 days ago

        Oddly enough, talking is what you might need to prepare for talking to your friends. Talking can help you organize your thoughts in a way that sitting around alone and thinking can’t.

        However, a fair chunk of that comes from verbalizing your thoughts even if there’s no feedback. That’s why rubber duck debugging (explaining your programming issues to an inanimate object like a rubber duck) is a thing.

        So if you feel uncertain about bringing up things with your friends before you’ve ordered your thoughts, try explaining things to an inanimate object or imaginary stranger first. That forces you to put at least some order into your thoughts just so you can put them into words.

        Or explain them to people on the internet, of course.

        Sorry if I’m rambling. Going for abstract advice is kinda my way of dealing with such problems. But rest assured that I’m rooting for you.

        • Vinny_93@lemmy.worldOP
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          9 days ago

          Thanks!

          I’ve recently gotten a new manager at work and his focus is software development. He actually showed me his literal rubber duck and explained why he had it.

          Verbalising does help a little so I do try to talk about stuff a lot.