Every day! Never once does anyone comment about the size of my feet. You’d think people on the subway would be more observant.

“Where did I park my boat?”

–Me, allegedly, a few times.

just enough rum

This does not exist.

There is only “just one more rum,” followed by “that was too much rum.”

Because sailors never got drunk enough to see that version.

Edit: Let me revise that to say “Because sailors never got drunk enough to admit seeing that version when they got drunk enough to see it.”

He’s a master of 1-D tic-tac-toe.

Magic Omnibus is my favorite song by The Who.

“I got winner.”

–Atari 2600, probably

his ethics are flexible

You keep using that word.

I do not think it means what you think it means.

One moves twice as much product as the other.

They’ll be finished in about 30 years.

The probability of Zaphod showing up in this comment thread is roughly equivalent to a sperm whale suddenly being called into existence several miles above the surface of an alien planet.

“I’m not a Nazi, but twenty bucks is twenty bucks.”

–Substack, probably

Bitchplz

I gotta get off of this planet.

Where’s my towel?

You should hack that into the image you posted.

You should hack a spell checker to find out how “Available” is spelled.

Technology doesn’t have problems. People have problems.

“Good news, boys! I found money for one more season of SailGP.”

I liked the web a lot more when it didn’t have a business model.

YOU KIDS GET THE FUCK OFF MY LAWN!

Those people should be avoided.