This will not be a popular thing to say in Lemmy, but I don’t think self hosting those things is going to reduce your headaches. I have worked in IT all my life, and I have lots of experience running services of all kinds, including my self-hosted home stuff. Nowadays, I am very mindful of the cost in time and hassle to DIY rather than let someone else handle it. When it comes to calendars, everything I see has an option to integrate with Google or Outlook, so I can’t imagine how sharing and syncing are going to be better if you move to some obscure open source thing. I fought that exact battle for an entire decade - you don’t want to get me started talking about CalDAV - and my life got so much easier when I gave up and moved my stuff to a standard provider.
That’s how it’s made. They melt cheese with emulsifying salts, squirt it into a plastic envelope, and it cools into the shape of the wrapper.