If you share a Google doc link instead of a PDF, people can make comments in the document itself, so it’s easier to provide direct feedback to specific text.
You have some tense issues. “Behind him, sat a woman.” (past tense) then “…she stares down…” (present tense).
Some of the sentences are incomplete sentences. “Her posture, in direct contrast to that of the Good Reverend.”
“A red mark wraps around her neck, and a heavy chains secure her delicate wrists.” Wraps is odd as an active verb unless the mark is appearing in the moment. Usually an inanimate thing is wrapped around rather than wraps. I’d suggest something like “stretches around.” “Heavy” is redundant with chains. Chains are rarely light. “a heavy chains” has an agreement problem. A is singular, chains is plural.
“and the Reverend’s clearly dire distress,” It hasn’t seemed like he’s in dire distress prior to this descriptor. Earlier he was described as having a “posture proud with authority…” “full of fire and fury, but steady and deliberate.”
Some of the narration seems to be Colette’s internal monologue and should probably be in italics to distinguish it from just third person omniscient narration.
For example: “This poor girl has not a speck of magic in her – And the vegetables from Reinette’s garden aside, neither does anyone else within a thousand kilometers.”
But then the next paragraph mentions Colette in the third person again.
The fragments can be a stylistic choice. Ultimately all writing “rules” are arbitrary and often decided by consensus, often based on “what we’ve always done” as much as based on a specific reason for better communication or possibly a reason that is moot now. It’s good to know what your potential readers are likely to prefer and it’s good to know what an editor or agent will want if you’re hoping to get published in a traditional manner.
That being said, I’m a fan of breaking “rules” when you have a good reason to and know why you’re doing it. If the narrative is reflecting the fragmented thoughts of a character, fragments might thematically work really well.
That said there are also ways of rephrasing the fragments to make them flow better. Some readers might find them abrupt because they’re looking for the noun and the verb with some kind of active action.
For the heavy chain, some readers won’t think of it as a grade or gauge of chains. Sometimes technically accurate isn’t better than stylistically smooth. But it isn’t a significant difference, so definitely keep it if you like it. You should write for yourself first of all.
I liked it in general. It was an interesting glimpse into a world where there are implications of greater detail I’d be curious to know more about, such as how the main character’s age and knowledge of magic works. Some of the characters are necessarily one dimensional in such a short peic of writing. Scared and concerned victims of witch trials and puritanical patriarchal male authoritarians is what I’d expect because that’s what’s been depicted before, in the Crucible, in the Sleepy Hollow movie, and other fictional depictions.