The fragments can be a stylistic choice. Ultimately all writing “rules” are arbitrary and often decided by consensus, often based on “what we’ve always done” as much as based on a specific reason for better communication or possibly a reason that is moot now. It’s good to know what your potential readers are likely to prefer and it’s good to know what an editor or agent will want if you’re hoping to get published in a traditional manner.

That being said, I’m a fan of breaking “rules” when you have a good reason to and know why you’re doing it. If the narrative is reflecting the fragmented thoughts of a character, fragments might thematically work really well.

That said there are also ways of rephrasing the fragments to make them flow better. Some readers might find them abrupt because they’re looking for the noun and the verb with some kind of active action.

For the heavy chain, some readers won’t think of it as a grade or gauge of chains. Sometimes technically accurate isn’t better than stylistically smooth. But it isn’t a significant difference, so definitely keep it if you like it. You should write for yourself first of all.

I liked it in general. It was an interesting glimpse into a world where there are implications of greater detail I’d be curious to know more about, such as how the main character’s age and knowledge of magic works. Some of the characters are necessarily one dimensional in such a short peic of writing. Scared and concerned victims of witch trials and puritanical patriarchal male authoritarians is what I’d expect because that’s what’s been depicted before, in the Crucible, in the Sleepy Hollow movie, and other fictional depictions.