Guys, if you were getting hot and heavy with your partner, and they brought up the topic of pegging, and told you they already bought a strap-on and wanted to use it on you, what would you say?
Guys, if you were getting hot and heavy with your partner, and they brought up the topic of pegging, and told you they already bought a strap-on and wanted to use it on you, what would you say?
As a guy:
I would say please yes just promise to be slow and gentle.
I am not (as much) attracted to dudes / masc presenting, but I have also always wanted to find a woman I would and could actually trust to do this.
Also, its kinda weird to me that about half the replies in this thread are from women, when the question was asked of men.
You don’t peg a woman. That verb means its going into a dude’s butt.
https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/fancyfeast/what-is-pegging-pegtok-broad-city-pegging-episode
The OP also uses gender-neutral language.
Just double commenting here so you see this:
The OP of this thread themself has commented in this thread that thry were specifically referring to men.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pegging_(sexual_practice)
Where [1] is an academic paper from Beckett and Miller (2022).
Further Etymology of 'Pegging'
Marquis de Sade describes a pegging act in his 1795 book Philosophy in the Bedroom.[19][20] There is a depiction of pegging in the William S. Burroughs 1959 novel Naked Lunch. The dildo used is called a Steely Dan III, and is the source from which the musical group Steely Dan takes its name.[21][22] The 1970 film Myra Breckinridge depicted a pegging scene where Myra rapes a man with a strap-on dildo.[23][24] The first explicit pegging scene is believed to be the 1976 pornographic film The Opening of Misty Beethoven.[25] Bend Over Boyfriend (1998) is based on lectures and workshops by Robert Lawrence and Carol Queen. Bend Over Boyfriend inspired Dan Savage to call the act “BOBing” but his readers subsequently voted on the winning term “pegging” in a 2001 contest and the term has since entered the English lexicon.[25]
Since the coinage of “pegging”, it was featured in the TV show Weeds, on the episode “Crush Girl Love Panic” (2006).[25] Here, pegging appears to be non-consensual and is played as a joke towards the male character being forced into anal sex.[18] In the episode “Knockoffs” of the sitcom Broad City, Abbi (Abbi Jacobson) turns to friends and family for advice regarding Jeremy’s request for pegging.[26][27] In the 2016 film Deadpool, Wade is pegged by his girlfriend Vanessa, commemorating International Women’s Day.[28] In François Ozon’s 2017 film Double Lover, Chloé pegs Paul. Ozon stated that this scene, where the woman penetrates the man, “aligns with the feminist film that I advocate for”.[29][30] At the Met Gala 2021, Cara Delevingne wore a vest printed with the slogan “Peg the Patriarchy”, garnering media attention. She said: “It’s about women empowerment, gender equality—it’s a bit like, ‘stick it to the man’”.[31]
Sure, I will give you that language can change over time.
But also, uh, for the vast majority of the history of the word and the concept it has been used to describe, it means a woman with a strap-on penetrating a dude’s butt.
Dan Savage from The Stranger is not the sole arbiter of meaning and definitions within the realm of sexual act terminology, Buzzfeed is not the pre-eminent source of authority on sexuality and sexual terminology, it is an online click-bait tabloid and gossip rag.
Also, does Savage, or you, mean that anyone using any dildo on any person, any orifice, with or without a strapon is now also pegging?
You pull just that quote, and the second paragraph, but the rest of the article seems to quote a Savage more times where he is referring to use involving a strap-on.
If the term is expanding in meaning to not even include a strap on… then anyone using a dildo on another person in any penetrative way is I guess now also pegging, and now this term is so broad it is confusingly vague.
It would also be more broad than the scenario OP describes, where they explicitly mention use of a strap-on.
Being originally from the Seattle area myself, I find myself increasingly annoyed that other people from Seattle, or closely connected to the Seattle LGBTQ / Sex Positive scene seem to just think they have complete and total authority over language around the topic, that Savage is some kind of unquestionable authority.
At this point, Seattle’s LGBTQ scene may as well just be seen as one large, loosely connected system of polycules, a ‘super-cule’ or something like that, with all the hidden drama and cliqueiness and interpersonal power dynamics that sounds like it entails.
Also… OP uses the term ‘Guys’.
To me, this is not gender neutral, in its context.
OP could have used Gals or Ladies.
Or Folks or ‘Sex-Havers’ or People or ‘Lemmings’ or w/e.
That’s a very verbose assertion of an opinion that a sex term has a specific meaning that is unchanged through time. In my opinion, the only gendered language in the OP was the term “guys”, which I loosely interpreted as an implicitly misogynist equivalent to the word “folks”.
If someone (of any gender) without an organic penis anally tops someone else (of any gender), I might use the term “pegging” because of my pre-transition male biases that I am still working to unlearn, where someone with a formal feminist education (or just more experience in the queer community) might use another term without the historical baggage of gender. I only see “pegging” as a problematic term outside of strict heterosexuality if people understand it the way you understand it, but if others see it as ungendered, they have no need for another term. It’s like how I identified as bisexual before a partner educated me on the spectrum of gender, so now I identify as pansexual.
Thank you for the intellectual exercise.
I mean, I have a good of experience in the queer community, you know uh, figuratively and literally.
I also have read a lot of feminist literature, though my degree specialities lie elsewhere.
And I did literally say ‘I will give you that language changes over time.’
Uh, anyway, the actual OP is in this thread and has clarified that they did indeed mean to ask this question specifically of men.
So, theory is nice and all, but when a person asks guys if they’d like it if their partner nails them with a strapon… generally speaking, the described scenario here is a guy being nailed by someone who would need a strapon to nail them.
IE, a woman, or transman, or someone who does not come outta the box with a meat rod.
Just curious: would you still not consider it pegging if the man’s penis was locked in a tiny chastity cage and rendered unusable when they use their strapon on a woman?
Nope.
Here’s my personal root for the term:
It is grounded in the I guess now older feminist concept of equalizing power dynamics very literally, within the bedroom.
It is about making a man physically submit to anal penetration to reverse the heterosexual dynamic stereotype, completely.
Expand the definition outward from that, but specify if you are doing this.
Call me an old fashioned queer, I guess.
Or, can you find me any examples of any kind of media of any kind of prominence amongst any kind of group, where the scenario you describe is simply referred to as pegging, and it is expected of the reader to deduce your entire scenario there soley from the term ‘pegging’ or ‘pegged’ or what not?
Legitimately, I would be less of a stickler here if it turns out that I somehow missed a mass usage of this term to have a way more broad meaning than it has had my entire life.
Nobody is like, in charge here, we’re talking about language, and specifically when it comes to sexual and kink language, mass confusion still broadly reigns as to the exact meaning of terms, and this can cause legitimate problems when it comes to knowing what you are consenting to or asking for or describing yourself as.
By ‘top’ do you mean… be physically on top of a person in some sex act?
Or do you really mean… be the most physically active and vigorous partner?
Or do you really mean, be the dominant partner in a mental / command sense?
You can mix every different combination of those, include all of them or disinclude one or two of those, and people still do, all the time.
I started writing a response earlier, but quickly realized how hard it was to research strapon and chastity use while at work. 😅 Now that I’ve had time to look into a specific term for this, it appears to be “reverse pegging”.
Given the way you defined your personal root for the term pegging, it sounds like reverse pegging may still fit this mold. Personally, I feel it requires much more submission from a man than regular pegging and has a larger power-dynamic swing.
Anal penetration can feel great for both sexes; however, even more so for men due to their prostate. This combined with the ability to still stroke yourself while receiving anal leads to amazing orgasms. However, by reversing who wears the toy, and restricting actual penis use through chastity, you eliminate both of those sources of pleasure. Also, there is an opportunity to use a larger toy than the man’s own penis (because why not), and this can add an extra layer of humiliation/kink. Meanwhile, the woman can get pleasure from any possible penis shape/size, which can also remain hard indefinitely.
I feel that “reverse pegging” takes significant submission from the man, while the woman holds control of the power dynamic (and quite possibly the keys to his cage). Alternatively, I see vanilla pegging as an opportunity for the man to receive extra stimulation, while their partner forgoes penetrative pleasure. It’s hard for me to understand why men would be opposed to extra stimulation and intense orgasms, so I don’t see much (if any) sacrifice.
I’ve always used the term “pegging” regardless of the genders involved and never gave it much thought. You seem much more schooled on these subjects so I was curious how other power-dynamics may factor into meeting the word’s traditional meaning. I appreciate the new perspective, and hadn’t previously considered how using a strapon without coming “outta the box with a meat rod” would also be such a major influence on one’s perceived power in the bedroom.
Huh.
I had not heard of this phrase before.
You are correct, that does… make sense to my brain, to my way of understanding the term.
Thank you!
As to your entire train of logic arguing that reverse pegging is … essentially, an even more extreme inversion of the roles, exageration of the denial of male pleasure…
I think I mostly agree, in the… most direcr and proximate way, as it pertains to the actual act itseld.
The quibble I would have is that… presumably, there could be a woman who would personally feel more… I guess just ‘empowered’ by say… cuffing the mans hands, or moving his body around authoritatively, slapping him on the ass, spitting on his back, maybe leaving some claw or bite marks, all while the man is essentially immobile, restrained.
But I also totally see your perspective as well.
But the uh, the other thing I think are missing is the just absolutely massive amount of shame most hetero, traditional men have when it comes to
being anally penetrated.
enjoying it.
Like… for most straight guys, you let your girl peg you?
You are now gay.
No, that doesn’t literally make any sense… but uh, maybe think of hetero male sexuality as a straightjacket where if you wiggle out of it in anyway, your are just some kind gay, a f@g, etc.
The other part of this, that almost no one likes to talk about:
If most hetero women hear about that?
That a man wanted to be or was pegged?
Even many bi or pan women?
Same thing, you are now gay to them, you are now somewhere between a joke and disgusting, they gossip to all their friends and now they all act that way toward you.
My original comment?
Trying to find a women who would do this, to me?
3 of them. 3 women, I had dated for at least a year, one of them pan, one of them hetero, one of them trans… all had that reaction when I suggested it.
Immediately lost all respect for me and the relationships ended soon afterward.
Granted, I am a biased in that this in particular is my personal expericne, I seem to have had extremely bad luck in this regard, but I use myself as an example to accentuate a point, not make it entirely.
There is still a massive broad stigma against the idea of men being anally receptive.
So… there are… other costs.
I would maybe explain this with some uh… signifier vs signified, hyperreality,.Baudriallard type logic:
The cultural conception of a man being anally receptive is more powerful, is more ‘real’ than the actual levels of pleasure a man is able to have from a deep tissue prostate masssge, the physical control the women has in the act.
The mere suggestion of it is sufficient to ruin your social life, even amongst people who… you woukd think be less traditional and more open minded, but apparently not.
You can probably also tell that I am not so much into humiliation type stuff, given that I left them after they lost respect for me and started calling me slurs in casual conversation and mocking me regularly.
I… guess some people are more into that though.
So there.
Those are the level of power dynamics at play with ‘traditional’ pegging: More or less, social death, relegation to something like an untouchable class.
And you can even see it here in this thread; the women who pop in to say ‘no ew thats a turn off’, even though the OP of this thread has commented in this thread, clarfying that they were asking other men for their opinion.
But women still felt compelled to pop in and express their aversion to pegging.
But uh, yes, trying to collect myself a bit here, I also appreciate your well thought train of thought and perspective.
Perhaps to a good degree because you are… maybe the only woman I have ever been able to have a detailed and frank discussion of this kind of thing with.
That and you aren’t completely sneering at my more crass puns and euphemisms , hah!
I accept that explanation. I was worried that the use of specific terms might offend in some cases, like referring to anal strapon use among lesbians as “pegging”, since the power inversion does not apply there, or at worst implying that non-heterosexuality is a situational substitute for “real” traditional heterosexual sex, which was the toxic discourse in my high school.
There are so many different ways one can look at something like this… if you’re worried about potentially offending someone with some perceived but not actually stated implication.
My advice? My view?
Relax, loosen up a bit.
=P
No but seriously, if you try to design a vocabulary around never possibly being offensive to anyone ever, you will fail, guaranteed.
Well said noticing how many women commented.
There is even a Wolf commenting!
I guess uh, to clarify, was your intention to ask this of … men, women, everyone, some other category?
The question was literally directed towards men
Welp, ok then, there we go.
Now I get to make a joke about women inserting themselves in a situation, oddly though, mostly to tell us about how they do not actually prefer to insert themselves into another kind of situation.
As I said before: odd.
Good point