[an industrial machine labeled ORPHAN LAUNCHER 3000 is in the process of launching an orphan in the air]
[green, distraught] Launching orphans into the sun seems morally wrong
[orange capitalist, annoyed] See! Cancel culture is trying to take everything from us
https://thebad.website/comic/the_last_free_thinking_entrepreneur
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Same happened to me when I patented the Kitten Mangler X10-B. It could mangle up to fifty kittens per minute, but the Radical Left just shot it down without even looking at the benefits of such an innovative idea.
Commie bastards just want to halt the progress of capitalism!!!
Okay, now depict the [orange capitalist, annoyed] trying to frame this all like when a small and marginalized creator was dogpiled on social media over some interpersonal drama, which means said creator must be a bigot and a serial abuser.
tbf the orphan launcher 3000 is a huge improvement on the 2000 model. They only launch free range orphans now and have 2 months of free tech support, plus it comes with a free 15% discount coupon for Wendy’s small fries (*terms and conditions apply). As a non-monetarily compensated orphan launcher 3000 user that is in no way part of a marketing effort I can really say they go the extra mile. And if you think about it, launching a few orphans here and there doesn’t hurt anyone really. Think about it. :)
And if you pay for a subscription, you don’t have to do the orphan launching yourself! Just lean back on your yacht with a tequila and watch the orphan get ballista’d out of the atmosphere. It’s a steal!
You forgot to mention the best feature: it’s AI powered!
(inhales in bill maher)
See this is what’s wrong with leftists these days. They got too radicalized by their tumblr polycule echo chambers to understand that living in REAL WORLD requires COMPROMISES. I fully support orphans rights to stay on this god’s green earth. But I’m also an adult, I understand how some people think we would’ve been better without them. I mean, this whole dilemma could’ve been avoided if everyone had at least one parent, is this really too high of a bar for today’s youths to not be tiny parasite bastards? What I’m JOKING is it ILLEGAL to joke nowadays? Are you going to run to your central committee throuple to CANCEL me?
Anyway I think mars is a good middle ground
I’m no math guy, but I do know that the 30 km/second required to cancel out the Earth’s orbital velocity around the sun (not to mention other required energy) would turn the orphan into a paste right out of the muzzle of the orphan launcher.
The industrialist should feel free to do this as long as he legally owns the orphans and canon or has enough money to bride the police and courts to ignore his lack of ownership. Either one is fine.
Launching orphans into the sun sounds like a massive expenditure of energy for limited reward. Surely there must be more profitable ways of dealing with them?
look at the comic again. the orphan being launched has their arms raised and is going “aaaaaaahhhh” like on a rollercoaster. clearly having fun!/profits have nothing to do with it, this is the most ethical way to handle the situation
