I haven’t hosted my own matrix server yet. is it safe to join an instance? I don’t really know how private that would be. the question is when I signup/login would I be giving out my IP? is the metadata private? sorry for asking this, I’m just a bit paranoid
You set up both synapse and jitsi-meet? Because Matrix does not natively support video at all and simply uses the XMPP based Jitsi-meet for it. Also did you setup your own identity service for Synapse? Because without both, you didn’t really self-host matrix :p
In general though, getting video to work with STUN/TURN is a bit more involved. But this is a general issue and also happens if you self-host video support with Matrix.
But you might have better luck with https://snikket.org/ which tries to include everything and is based on Prosody.