Language is constantly evolving. There is no clear line. New words are added, meanings change, and it depends on the intent of the speaker too.

However as a mater of practice I choose to never assume it has been reclaimed. It’s always possible that someone hasn’t received the update.

Does the term describe yourself? If not, you haven’t reclaimed it.

If you’re not part of the group, then don’t use it. I’d say maybe the only exception is “queer”. I’m fine with people using queer to describe their friends and family who are queer. Not everyone is OK with it though, but it’s pretty common. With queer, don’t use it unless the person you’re talking to self identifies as queer.