No, sorry. The second therapist who I only saw 3 times gave me a workbook. The one who I have been seeing for a long time did not. So I’ve only been doing the workbook relatively recently.

This second therapist doesn’t say anything to me during the sessions tho. She lets me talk a bit and then is just like “I love this chapter. Guess what happens in chapter 7? Chapter 4 is my favorite”. And I don’t know how to keep responding to that.

The workbook doesn’t answer big picture questions tho like my old therapist asks. The workbook is very useful, but I’ve only just started with it. One frustrating thing is I feel like it just puts a bandaid on the issue. It doesn’t solve it or help stop any of my pain.

My old (current) therapist gives me only vague things that I have a hard time figuring out what to do with.

You don’t understand what I’m saying. I’m spinning my head around and around and trying to come at some of these questions from all angles. I spend hours and hours trying to figure it out…bouncing ideas off of ChatGPT, wracking my own brain, working without ChatGPT to come up with new ideas.

I’m already in my head entirely too much and was already trying to dive into there to figure things out before therapy. It just made things worse and ended up with me spinning in circles in bizarre thought loops and ideas.

I cannot for the life of me come up with my own solution to my problems, no matter how many hours I put into it or how many different angles I try to come at it.

Is it really such crazy of an ask ask for me to want a therapist to vaguely help to slightly point me in the hope of any direction at all whatsoever to even start to begin to figure out any of my problems at all? Like even just giving me the hint of an idea? Or like some sort of coping skill? Or some sort of new way of looking at something that I haven’t managed to think my way into yet?

Here’s an example of a convo in therapy.

Me: I’m having a lot of trouble with X. I can’t figure out how to deal with it.

Therapist: How do you think you should deal with X?

Me: I don’t know. I can’t for the life of me figure it out.

Therapist: You need to figure out how to deal with X.

Like I just want some sort of direction at all.

Am I just too mentally challenged for therapy then??? I just don’t understand what else to do.

I have been trying a lot of different medications, with my provider, yeah. I’m not sure how a medication could make my thinking “less rigid” like you say.

I can say that the session ending 35 minutes early for any reason other than one you agreed upon ahead of time is extraordinary and almost certainly unprofessional.

Granted, I didn’t exactly try to stop her from hitting the end call button. But when me trying to talk about my experiences was just met with “ok well I don’t like that part of that chapter” or something, I just didn’t know what else to say. We stared at each other for a while before she was like welp see you in a few weeks! Idk…I did try to contribute. It just wasn’t met with anything overly meaningful. She also spent like 10 minutes talking about how her dog needed extensive treatment and she had a not great day. Like I get that sucks but I would have rather you cancel the appointment than to just not listen to me and then end the call 30 minutes early.

also dunno about all this workbook shit…

I agree with you to some extent. I was excited when she showed me the book because it’s actually a gold standard book for DBT. BUT I was hoping that it would be a supplement to the therapy, not just her telling me how much she loves the book for the entire session and not really say anything to me when I relate things back to my own life. The way she talks about the book all day, you’d have thought she wrote the thing lol!!!

A good therapist doesn’t just ask you how you can deal with X (though that is in fact an important part of it), a good therapist works with you to help you figure out how you can deal with X, including making suggestions of their own. A good therapist doesn’t just watch you sputter and flounder on the high sea asking, “jeez looks like a tight spot you’re in there, how ya gonna get outta that?”, they throw the therapist’s metaphorical equivalent of a float and bring you aboard and place you (to the extent possible in the circumstances) in calmer, shallower water.

Thank you so so much for saying this. Everyone in these comments is assuming I am not working hard because I don’t even know where to begin to deal with X. All these comments effectively saying “introspect and figure it out” isn’t helpful to me when that’s all I do and I still can’t figure out anything!

I kind of feel like I’m a teen just learning how to drive. And instead of explaining how the car works, your parent is just like “drive to that stop sign there.” And I’m like…ok but I don’t know how to drive yet can you show me? And they are just like “well figure it out. Go drive to the stop sign.”

Everyone in here is chastising me for being unable to figure out how to reach the stop sign on my own. I am trying as hard as I can, but I can’t get there without being given at least some idea of how to turn on the car, put it in gear, etc. I get that eventually someone could learn to drive that way, but it’s gonna take them 20 times as long.

Fuck anyone who implies you’re not trying hard enough or that a mediocre therapist is good enough. You can tell good and well for your own damn self that it ain’t workin; TRUST YOURSELF. Yes, it’s important that you do most of the work and yes, some people or some issues can tolerate mediocrity, blah blah blah. Is that working for you? Seriously ask yourself. Keep trying 'til you find the right one. But don’t drop the one until you’ve picked up another, if possible. less-than-ideal therapy is usually better than no therapy at all.

Thank you very much for your kind words. It has been very disheartening for me to hear on a mental health community of all things that I am just not trying. I honestly didn’t expect that kind of response from half of all of the people there. It certainly isn’t motivating or helpful to me. It just makes me feel even worse.

This second time around, I was searching specifically for a therapist who does DBT because that helps treat “emotional dysregulation”, but now I’m wondering if I need to look for a trauma therapist instead.

I’m confused. Obviously that’s not the answer. I can’t figure out the answer. I have went through this one concept for hours and hours with ChatGPT in a zillion different ways for many different days. I am never able to come up with a solution. I just need like a little bit of a push in the right direction as opposed to just telling me to figure it out and leaving me to it. If I wasn’t an incompetent dumbass crazy person then a therapist could probably be a lot more vague with me.

Yeah thank you. It’s tricky because with this second therapist I actually did search with my new found knowledge of what my issue is. But it doesn’t seem to be panning out.

I’m just a bit disappointed that this second woman doesn’t say anything else in the sessions beyond “hey I love chapter 7! You’re gonna love chapter 4! Here’s a spoiler from chapter 6!” Even when I try to relate something to my personal experience she is just like “yup I love that technique in that chapter” or “I’m not a huge fan of that particular technique in that chapter” It’s kind of like talking to a wall.

The book is absolutely fantastic in that it actually does give you ideas of what to do, but yeah they are a bit overwhelming.

I like your idea of just practicing a couple at a time and figure out if they are working for me. The second lady essentially gave me the same tip so I’m gonna try to be a bit more focused with it.

I mean like for example one thing she essentially asked me was “how can you deal with the fact that people will sometimes hurt you and be mean to you? Your only two options are to not communicate with/communicate with them superficially or to find a way to compartmentalize it.”

Which like ok that one was a really good and fair point. But I cannot for the life of me figure out how in the world to do the latter. I have had hours long conversations with ChatGPT to try to come up with ideas. I can’t. I’m stupid or defective or both.

Yeah I noticed that even while sometimes I am able to actually use these DBT skills when minor stressors happen, it doesn’t at all help the intensity. And for larger triggers, the intensity is still immense and it doesn’t make the intense pain go away. It might make me react in a slightly less externally obvious way, but it still hurts so much and isn’t improving my life. And when the intensity is crazy high my brain just seems to totally shut down. :(

Idk why everyone in this thread is telling me I am not trying. :( I am trying so hard. I do all of the exercises they tell me. I practice the skills. I listen to what they tell me and try my very hardest to digest it. I have been attending therapy for many many months now and I have been really truly trying. But I am still the same person.

I’m sorry, dude. I don’t react with anger at others like that in person. I mostly just get erratic and self sabotage and cry. Please understand that the Internet is a different sort of environment.

I was just frustrated with many of the comments in here saying I don’t want to try and that’s why I’m not making progress.

So I read yours the same way. I’m sorry. I just feel like I’m trying so very hard at all at this is all and to read so many comments that I’m not trying hard enough is a bit heartbreaking.

I tried to be very direct with my current therapist and her response was pretty unhelpful. She seemed to get mildly offended and then gave me a zillion specific therapy terms as if I just said she wasn’t knowledgeable or something. That is not at all what I said to her and I was a bit disappointed in her response.

I started off very direct with the second and I really liked her initial response, but she doesn’t seem to say much to me during the sessions other than “I really like X chapter in the book. I really like Y chapter in the book. How are you liking the book?” and I try to respond but there is only so much I have to say. I’ve had 3 sessions with her and this is what each of them are like.

So my goal for the moment is to keep my current/old therapist and then work on the workbook as a supplement.

Yeah I have thought about that before. But since my insurance doesn’t kick in until I’ve met a whipping $3k deductible, I’ve been very hesitant to try something like that. Therapy isn’t covered with a copay with my insurance. I have to pay the full amount until it kicks in. I think my plan is to keep using the old therapist but utilize the skill building book my second therapist recommended to supplement me.

Ah so let me clarify some things.

I did a lot of research and found that DBT therapy is supposed to be the “gold standard” for this sort of thing. My current/old therapist does use some of those concepts but in too vague of a way for me to be able to find it more than incredibly mildly useful. She doesn’t use a book. She does talk about the trauma thing like you said which I find interesting and I guess does look at more of the root of the problems which might be useful in its own way in the long run.

I researched and found a therapist who does specifically does DBT. She told me about the workbook and it is basically just a zillion different skills to practice! Which is great! But I noticed that in practicing these skills all the time I just don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere. The intensity of what I feel is the same and under extreme reactions my brain shuts off and I have difficulty accessing the skills. It actually is useful for mild scenarios. The thing is that DBT therapist doesn’t actually do anything during the sessions like my current therapist does. She is just like “I like this chapter in the book. I like this concept in the book.”. I have tried to talk a little bit about a specific issue I had and tie it back to how I succeeded or struggled to use said methods, but she just doesn’t have anything to really say in response and we just end up staring at each other.

My new plan is to see the old therapist for conceptual things and work through the workbook on my own.

I just wish there was some way to make my emotions less intense because nothing helps me with that. It’s why I started therapy in the first place and also why I’ve been trying various psych meds. Idk.

Yes I have workplace trauma tho even lol.

Why the fuck does everyone think I’m lashing out at all of these therapists? These are not at all the type of comments I was expecting in this thread. I get frustrated because I don’t know how to deal with these things and need guidance on how to do so. I don’t get openly angry with these people. I am in therapy exactly because I don’t know how to deal with things and don’t have the skills to do so or know where to look. Telling her how I deal with it doesn’t make sense because the point is that I don’t deal with it. I DO express to her how I react and what happens.

What the fuck are some of these comments???

I did NOT get angry with her at all whatsoever. I did NOT end the session with her. She kept babbling on about what each chapter is about and then when I didn’t know how to comment on it she was like let’s schedule the next session and we did and then she said ok see you then! And then she ended the call.

I am willing to do the work. I do all the exercises that are given to me. I think about all the concepts they tell me. I practice these coping skills in the real world both when nothing is happen and in distressing situations. You don’t fucking know me and assuming I’m not willing to work is the farthest off you could ever fucking me.

This is an offensive as fuck comment. I am putting in all the effort with these things.

I’m really sorry, OP. I think a lot of people say things like this because they simply can’t identify you and don’t want to bother to try. On one hand, there is wisdom in figuring out how to not let your trauma run your life. But doing it this way (how most people seem to react) is offensive. I agree that like the one person said, they are repeating the same thing their parents did to them.

Your struggles are real, OP. It’s ok to hurt. It’s ok to struggle with these sorts of things. The difficult part is actually figuring out how to do the moving forward. Most people aren’t equipped to help you do that part to be fair…you have to recognize the limitations of these relationships. I’m not qualified either and quite frankly I don’t know who is. Therapists are supposed to, but I don’t even know what they can do anymore.

Sorry that this is a bit of a rambling non comment. But I just want to say that I understand, OP. You are valid. And I hope you find your way in the world.

Damn I’m really sorry to hear you don’t like it. :(

What did you do beforehand if you don’t mind me asking?

My mom was a stay at home parent for all of my life. In her early 50s, she ended up going to college in order to become a nurse. Been over 10 years now and she’s still a nurse.

I would say it’s only ever really too late if you’re beyond working age or nearly there. Because at that point you’re no longer working toward a career.

The real issue is whether or not you have finances and a support system to get you there.

In my mom’s case, she had a husband who already was the only breadwinner anyway, so it didn’t cause much of a financial impact per se. My mom ended up taking out student loans like everyone else, of course, but student loans are seen much more favorably than credit card debt.

I have a friend who is going back to college right now in order to get a better job. In their scenario, their parent let them move back in while they get an education.

I ended up eventually going to an intensive grad school where many of us had to move and we also did not have time to work during the program. There, I met plenty of people who already married, already had careers, etc…and yet they still managed to survive and get through the program just fine. (Again, remember we all took out loans lol.)

Then you hear online about med students having children while going through med school and residency. Sounds like hell, but they manage to do it.

But also, the career you seek should be worth it. Don’t go back to school to do one of those dumb “ingegrative studies” degree or whichever one they call it when you couldn’t pick a major lmao. Won’t net you anything.

Similarly, it wouldn’t make sense someone in their 50s to attempt to go to med school. The return on investment is just not there for the amount of effort and loan debt if you consider how many working years you have left. Yet, as I said, it was worth it for my mom to become a nurse because she never worked before and it allowed her to be able to earn a living wage sooner and with less debt. The return on investment for her was greater.

Point is, I don’t think it’s a matter of “too late”, but rather a matter of…

1. Life circumstances
2. The specific career you are working towards

I mean, AliExpress is great, but for many things I’m really just not interested in waiting 2 weeks for my item.

You said don’t buy directly from brands, but that’s the main thing others in this post are recommending lol.

Thing is if I bought that item from Amazon instead of Samsung, they would have immediately rectified the mistake instead of making me fight for it. And the item would have come sooner. So it’s still a win for Amazon.

I still do get why people don’t want to use Amazon for moral reasons, but again, they simply provide a massively superior experience than literally any other retailer I’ve used.

I don’t get why multiple people in this post are recommending AliExpress over Amazon. Like yeah it’s cheaper and more from the direct source…but not everyone wants to wait a month to receive the item they want to buy. I’ve seen some items on AliExpress advertise that they now have “faster shipping”, but it’s still very very slow in comparison…still taking multiple weeks in my experience.

There is a reason why Amazon got big over other online retailers. Even the online shops for many brick and mortar stores end up making you pay more for the item, make you pay a sizeable fee for the shipping, and make you wait 1-2 weeks all on top of that. Not to mention that if your order does get fucked up or you do get scammed on Amazon, they are very quick to give you your money back because they know it helps with customer satisfaction.

I had an issue with an online order from Samsung before. And despite also being a massive company with shittons of money, they gave me a hard time and I really had to fight to rectify their own mistake.

I get Amazon is evil and all but there’s a reason why they are the most used shopping platform. If no one else comes even remotely close to what they do, they aren’t going to gain much of a foothold.