Could you be blocking/repressing a painful memory from childhood that you fear remembering? If you were to remember, your ego could take a major hit. men, especially don’t want to see themselves as victims or as having bad DNA. if you saw, for example, your dad kill your baby brother and saw your mom help him cover this up, your ego would take a hit knowing you have murderer DNA. We all have murderer DNA - at least one of our ancestors did something really nasty at some point and some may’ve done extrmeley great things. We all have saints and devils in our families, but also within us. Maybe read about Carl Jung’s shadow concept.