That’s so open-minded of them. Everyone is welcome.
So… if your visa has expired… can you just join ICE instead?
Are background checks woke?
Everyone apply for ICE!
Either the system gets so bogged down they can’t recruit anyone, or we end up outnumbering them. Either way, we resist them.
it would be hilarious if ICE was full of anti trump personnel
If just one ICE agent in 50 were a low-key saboteur just quietly, “accidentally” fucking up every single thing that comes their way, it would be disastrous for ICE
I’m gleefully imagining the Truth Social rant where he calls ICE woke
I wanna get that 50K signing bonus and then just bail out
Or just applying and forgetting just to tie up their system
If true we could all sign up and waste a lot of their time.
Why not get hired and also submit your daily timesheets to get paid?
Do they check citizenship?
It’s by design. If you want to hire bottom of the barrel, you can’t have any standards or loops to jump through, or you might lose applicants. As a bonus, people who recognize this won’t even apply. As another bonus, articles keep spawning that make ICE out to be a badly run organisation of idiots, when in reality it’s actually exactly what it’s meant to be and run by ruthless fascists.
They are the SA, no ? So what are the SS gonna be and who’s lined up to manage them?
the SS probably did better background checks.
It might not be the best idea to expect this to 1:1 emulate history - ICE is being set up to be both the SA and SS, but neither exactly resemble the former groups. It’s a useful metaphor, but overfitting is possibly a trap for us to fall into.
Being made privately from their favorite troops of ICE / CBP
I wonder if I should tell My disabled nonbinary partner to sign up for ICE, grab the 50 grand, and flee the country with it
Do it. Crime is legal now.
The sign on bonus is a retention bonus for staying 5 years. You, myself, the entire world know he is not good for paying bills.
Every single member eligible hire will be let go at 4 Years 354 days, or just not paid at all. See the $2,000 Check they were going to send to every American.
5 years is crazy, even Elon companies don’t make you wait 5 years for a vest
It’s because the election is a 4 year cycle. He will either be dead, in jail, or emperor supreme by the time the 5 years is up so he will never have to pay.
Ah Art of the deal, See this is why im not president
grab the 50 grand, and flee the country with it
Usually sign on bonuses are broken out over a period of time, you’d receive say 25% in your first paycheck, 25% after 3 months, 25% after 6 months and the last 25% after 12 months. Or in my wife’s case when she took a CNA role in 2021 she got $1k in the first paycheck, $1k after 3 months and the last $1k after 6 months for her $3k sign on bonus
Gosh that is so much less exciting than what it sounds like.
I think the case with ICE is 5 years. Which isn’t a crazy time period for large incentives to kick in normally, but the odds of these ICE agents still being employed in 5 years isn’t great if MAGA goes down, and if it doesn’t then 50k won’t buy a decent pair of shoes in 5 years.
Nice work! However, an ICE agent is an ICE agent…get the rope!
If the regime rises to power, commits atrocities, and you’re still an agent when it’s over, sure.
If you get in early, be part of the resistance, and help keep the atrocities from happening, then no.
You’ll still want people on the inside. Where they can sabotage and hinder the regime. And ultimately be eyewitnesses for the trials when its all over.
Hmm, humor exists.
name checks out
The Minnesota subreddit apparently knows ICE Agent Greg Bovino.
Hello, Minneapolis resident here but I didn’t always live in Minneapolis. Once, long ago I lived in a quiet little mountain town of Boone, NC. Guess who else grew up there? A pathetic squat little toad named Gregory Bovino. Well, that squat little toad grew up to be a squat little Nazi toad who has decided to come to my beautiful adopted home to torture, murder, and terrorize my friends and neighbors. He is personally going door to door, so if you see him, here’s a few very specific things from home you can politely yell at him:
“Hey Greg! Remember how your Dad murdered a woman in Blowing Rock while driving drunk? Like father like son I guess.”
I wish there weren’t so many items on that list that are far-fetched and weird, so I could believe it.
That was a fun thread
If we end up making it through midterms without martial law, at the very least they’ve put themselves together in a nice list to deal with once cleanup takes place.
Americans have the opportunity to do a very funny thing now…
I wonder if I, a european, could get enlisted with ICE. Would they be dumb enough for that?
You seriously need to ask? I’ll bet you just act like an angry moronic asshole, and you’re qualified!
They’d probably hire you, but then you’d have some trouble when they need your identifying documents for tax purposes/to get you on the payroll.
i wonder if they are paying under the table too.
someone just leaked 4500 ice members Identies.
Okay so two very funny things.
Ok so I can’t read the actual whole article because apparently it’s paywalled but from the bit I was allowed to read (and the writing style seems to pad out quite a bit so it never actually gets really to the point) seems to indicate that they are just trying to hit targets which is why they’re not checking people.
Stephen “PeeWee Himmler” Miller has demanded a daily quota of scalps, and they haven’t been able to come close, even with their openly Unconstitutional tactics, because his quota is comically high. So PeeWee Himmler is demanding a comically high number of agents to accomplish it.
He’s a psychopath who probably goes into screaming fits at the slightest provocation, so they are desperate to keep the lid on his fury, so they are hiring as many breathing bodies as possible, no matter what it takes.
I’m definitely too old, but they have a really good signing bonus, and I could use the money, so now I’m considering signing up, just for the money, and the fun. I’d love to get in there, collect a fat paycheck, and be ridiculously incompetent at the job. It’s a government job, they won’t fire me, and they need warm bodies really badly. So they’ll just probably stick me in a dark office somewhere where I can doze all day, and scroll my phone, and fuck up everybody’s paperwork on the computer. Maybe I’ll bring my guitar into the office to play while the boys are out building up their charges for their future court cases.
BTW, they get 47 days of training. Do you know why its that specific number? Because Trump is the 47th president. That means someone decided to make the training period that length because they knew Trump would hear about it, and they wanted to get that little rimjob in to please him.
What a bunch of fucking losers.
Imagine them hiring undocumented migrants and never finding out about it
Those are the “good” ones.
Until it’s their turn.
They really don’t care. It’s only about the color of your skin. If you are perceived as other you are a threat to them. The country is run by white supremecists.
