This is my first time writing a post (and in an internet forum).
Last year, I found about narcissism through a few videos on YouTube. I was able to come to a conclusion that my parents (and some relatives) were narcissistic. They had shown these traits throughout my childhood.
Since then, I’ve been trying to make a couple of changes in order to help with the situation with my parents (like moving to another room, grey rocking). But it had a few side effects.
I’ve had to sacrifice self-care for a few months in order to remain low-contact. I’ve tried subtly asking them to get self-care products so I cope with most of the things going around at our house (we had a bug/fly problem, and much more).
Nowadays it isn’t much safe and I want to be able to change that. Is there any possible way to still live with the situation (until you’re at an age where you can get a steady income, have some independence)?
I’m not an expert but my general understanding is that its unlikely you’d have both parents be narcissists. A true narcissist is too self absorbed to stay in a relationship with someone else who’s also that self absorbed. Narcissists tend to be in relationships with people who have opposite traits, highly empathetic and easily manipulated. Not saying it can’t happen but youtube isn’t necessarily the best diagnostic tool.
If at all possible, I recommend you see if there are any counseling resources available to you at school or through your local government. Also recommend you read some actual books on the subject, not just get info from YouTube and the internet. Hopefully you live in a place with a public library. Many libraries have a way to check out ebooks and read them on a phone app, which may easier and more discreet.
And I’d urge you to remember two things.
First, it gets better. It can be hard to believe, and it can feel like forever, but it gets better.
Second, narcissism is just another reaction to a traumatic childhood. No one is born a monster. They’re worthy of compassion, even if you can’t have a functional relationship with them.
I’m genuinely shocked that you’re the only one in this thread who picked up on “I’d never heard of narcissism until I recently watched some YouTube videos and concluded that both my parents and several of my relatives are narcissists.”.
I’m not going to say it’s impossible, but I’m highly skeptical.
Regardless of the reliability of the definitions used, I really do think you have provided the best advice in this thread. OP, if you read this, I agree with them full-heartedly. Seak out whatever counseling you can and look to more than just YouTube / the internet for information.
I’ll be honest, I mentally dropped off the topic the moment I saw that they education came from Youtube. That’s equivalent to not having any information.
I do plan on searching help elsewhere in the future, although I’m not sure where to look for. Some replies seem to offer some insight on where to start.
First of all, if you’re serious about it, drop the whole point. Your information is at best incomplete and wrong, and at worst hurtful.
If anything, get an actual expert in. As in, talk to a doctor (a psychiatrist), Youtube will at worst tell you nothing and in most cases feed you bullshit making you invest time and effort into things that might make things worse. Mental problems are a medical issue just like a broken leg would be, and most people understand that you cannot diagnose the details of a fracture just from watching a Youtube video, nevermind fix it.
This is genuinely good advice for growing up in the modern world.
While I agree that you can’t diagnose others without formal training, if OP’s parents are narcissists, asking them to talk to a medical professional would likely blow up in OP’s face. Also, any reputable psychiatrist or psychologist will refuse to diagnose someone else based on second-hand information.
The most such a person (or anyone in a counselling position, like a school guidance counsellor) could do is help OP cope with their situation. That would likely be helpful, but it should be clear that most of the changes would need to come from within OP.