Ten minutes ago, I was watching the moon while listening to music. Specifically, “My Castle Town” by Toby Fox. And I just started crying. Tears of joy. I realized just how much I enjoy living. The pretty view of The Moon, the beautiful melody…
I never had any bad things happen to me. I love my parents because they are loving and kind, no trauma whatsoever, had depression once but I sent it away shortly. Lots of hospital visits though. But nothing serious. No girlfriends, no love pains etc.
I have basically nothing in my hands right now. But I’m always able craft new hobbies when I run out of them. By the mere power of imagination. In fact, I’m looking to learn French now because English was easy as fuck.
But while I enjoy life very much, I realize that I begin to distance myself from those that do not think the same. For instance, one of my friends never takes any joy from anything that he does. Say; complains about not having a girlfriend, being ugly etc. etc. He’s the most handsome person I’ve ever seen in person. And girls just straight up lust over him. Yet, he insists on focussing on the negative. Which makes zero sense to me. Why is he ruining his own life by refusing to see the good?
Now I do realize that most people are not as lucky as me to be with absolutely no problems in their lives. However, I had the “basic” set of problems that men my age have. Those being:
- Like a girl but she rudely refuses you (or even insults)
- Argue with parents
And my “friends” are always so offended by these problems all they do is complaining about them non-stop. One even tried to kill himself over a girl. I genuinely can’t warp my head around this. Why? When I encountered these things I never cared or at worst deluded my way out.
Why can’t people just sit down and appreciate life? When I’m sitting down waiting for something, the mere ability to move my limbs seems fascinating to me. I get out of so many things.
Don’t get me wrong I don’t mean any of this as seeing myself above others. (Although I do have a massive ego.)
Meanwhile, I will watch the Moon.
not everyone is privileged, a big chunk of the world is starving and are living in poverty, be glad you are born privileged
had depression once but I sent it away shortly.
I don’t think that was depression lol
Username checks out
Maybe they meant ‘was depressed once’ ^^
“I’m done with these sad emotions. NEXT!”
Don’t worry. You’re not seeing yourself above others, you’re just only seeing yourself.
Depression is one answer. Anhedonia is another. Not having agency in ones life. War, starvation, malice, indifference.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy you are happy, but you sound like someone who have lived a sheltered, privileged life.
Although I do have a massive ego.
No shit
Because there’s a disease called Depression and it affects your perception of the world.
It’s hard to understand it. When I was a kid, my mom would tell me about some rich/famous people who ended their lives, and asked me what I thought of it. I thought: But they are rich/famous, why would they do something so stupid
Then I got older and am diagnosed with depression. I understand what those people were going through. It can’t really be understood until you’ve gone through it.
Having depression is different from experiencing a depressed mood. Clinical depression is very long term, much more serious.
Its like… you are a computer, and this malware appears out of nowhere starts corrupting your system files, and the beautiful colorful desktop background crashes and its just a blank, black, desktop, the shortcuts wouldn’t open the programs, you try to use the antivirus but the malware just can’t be removed. Its so advanced that many computer experts have no idea how to even remove it…
Sometimes living is not enjoyable for some people.
You want me to explain what that feels like?
I wouldn’t bother, they think depression is something you can just send away.
This is such a toxic take, and it further dissuades people from getting help. Shame and judgement are huge internal barriers for many people that prevent those who need care from asking for it, and hearing ignorant and dismissive assessments about our struggles from healthy people only reinforces this problematic inner monologue.
We don’t think less of diabetics for needing insulin. Mental health care is healthcare. If you are struggling, please know you’re not less than anyone for having mental health conditions. Don’t be ashamed, and please pursue any and all care options available to you. There’s also a wonderful community full of understanding people who want to help support you, too!
It’s great you are so happy in life, and long may it last! My advice to you would be: learn to really listen to others. Find out about them, and how they experience the world.
Ailments of the mind (depression, anhedonia, as others have mentioned) can make it literally impossible to enjoy life, at their worst.
Trauma, PTSD, cptsd, constant hatred, bigotry, bullying, divorce, losing loved ones, drifting away from loved ones. Theres a million things that can pile on top of you if you’re unfortunate enough to suffer them. With time, treatment, and incredibly hard work, you can maybe find your way out of some of the deeper holes. But for many, that is not a luxury they have.
I am fortunate enough to have climbed a good way out of my deepest holes. But theres a version of me in a different timeline who made just 1 different choice and never found her joy again.
You can’t make people see the beauty of the moon, because their world - unseen to you - may be far too cloudy. You can, however, help them weather the storm until they find their way out. Be patient, be kind, be selfless.
This is a beautiful comment. Thank you.
Edit to add: Congratulations on doing the hard work and getting to a better place!
You’re welcome, GiantChickDicks
You are the dog surrounded by fire saying “This is fine”.
I’m in too much pain right now to locate the image.
I’m trapped in settler-hell, constantly profiled any time I leave the house, and am expected to be polite and cordial at all times to said settlers who pull this shit. Then I come online and have to deal with even more settler horseshit from people who’re supposed to be my ‘comrades’. Or at least, people who want me to see them that way when there is nothing shown nor proven regarding their works.
And there’s always going to be that constant lurking worry in the back of my head that if I leave my home solo dolo, I might never come home if a settler pig decides he doesn’t like the look of the phone in my hand, the cane keeping me balanced, or just the texture of my hair.
I genuinely despise this life. I don’t know how to love the crucible the god that made me put me in. Even the fleeting moments of beauty carve another piece out of my heart because I have to remember it won’t last, and as soon as that moment is over, the metaphorical, spirit-withering flames of the settler-hell in which I live will engulf me once again. I can’t tell if it’s meant to purge my impurities, or if it’s just meant to render me useless slag anymore.
Where are you?
Amerika, where else? Land of the white, trap of the enslaved.
If you want everyone to navigate a ninja warrior obstacle course to interact with you, don’t be surprised if not many make it through to you.
I get it. I don’t wanna fucking deal with people after dealing with capitalism all day myself.
Great pain, or an inability to find lasting reprieve from pain. The former is obvious, the latter can be something like the following:
Suppose by whatever circumstance you were you, but I fiddled with the way your brain works. Now when something small upsetting happens it lingers for long time, while something good is only experienced in a muted and brief fashion. Over time this twists your expectations, each day is like 90% feeling bad regardless of what happened and no matter what you tell yourself about the smallness of the bad thing the feeling remains.
You can be on holiday in a beautiful place but the thought that keeps coming to mind is that you aren’t as comfortable as in your own bed.
you stop sleeping right, you stop eating right because all food tastes equivalently meh. Your hobbies stop holding interest, successes stop feeling rewarding, but that pain from knowing you’re now boring and your friends pity and resent you? Fresh as ever.
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Idk. I feel empty inside. I don’t really feel joy. I don’t really feel sadness either. I just kinda persist. There are things I want to do. I don’t have the mental strength to do them regularly. Or like at all. Usually I tell myself that’s because I’m tired after the day/week. But deep down I know that this is not it. Or at least not the main reason. I don’t really do anything even during holidays. Every day feels the same. I know that this isn’t good for me, but I don’t care. I don’t worry about the future. Society is fundamentally broken, and always was/will be. I just go with the flow
…
I mean I hate living because the world is a shitshow and everything I do is based on the suffering of others. I can’t eat fruit without thinking about how it was probably grown by slaves. On the flip side, other people are prospering because of my (obviously much lesser) suffering. Thanks for hoarding all the meds and houses, asshole.
But also I think formative years play a huge part in things. I don’t want to go into detail, but I was born into an unhappy situation, and I never got to go to school or anything so I was in that situation 24/7. Most of the few people I knew growing up couldn’t stand me, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that now I can’t connect with people. I think some of us, the part of our brain responsible for happiness, or at least responsible for the things that make us happy, never really develops.
If you’d legitimately like to understand, you should research things like clinical depression and anxiety disorders. Not everyone has a “normal” brain chemistry. If you genuinely want to understand, try to step outside of your perspective when doing so and try to put yourself in the shoes of someone afflicted with any of these conditions as you look into them.
These disorders can literally prevent someone from seeing many, if not all positive aspects in their life. Everything is quickly or immediately painted in a troubling or worrisome manner. It’s a fucking hellscape to trudge through on a day to day basis and there’s no magical fix for any of it. There are things that can help mitigate and cope but there’s nothing that purely removes these afflictions. A big one is empathy from people who care about that person and genuinely want them to know they do care about how that person feels.
Asking someone with one of these afflictions why they can’t “just be happy” is not unlike asking a quadriplegic why they can’t go for a swim.
I know I didn’t wish to go through every day hating the world, myself, and feeling anxious about every unknown. I want to feel free to feel unabashedly comfortable in my own skin and enjoy every moment of my waking life, but my brain is literally not wired to be able to do that with any reliable consistency. The best I, and many others, can do is just try to temper and negate those invasive thoughts and emotions as best we can when we can. How often that can happen is dependent on several factors and is not the same for everyone. I may be able to cope with X when someone else can’t, and not be able cope with Y while another person can.
Your friends may very well be going through similar things, and I know you didn’t say you do, but if you are confronting them with your lack of understanding and questions like “why can’t you just be happy/enjoy life?” you could be amplifying their pain and further alienating them when they likely already wake up feeling that way without any outside provocation.
