As a British person you have no idea how much this stings. When I was a boy and the NHS still worked they helped me treat a torn cornea. I was in and out of A&E in just a few hours; no difficulty or fuss.

Now I’m a grown man and I have an ingrown toenail. After an initial struggle to get it looked at by my GP, I’ve been referred to a podiatrist. It’s been several months since my referral and I still haven’t heard back from my podiatrist to even confirm a date where they can assess the condition of my toe. I inquired with my GP’s clinic for an estimate of how long it may take, and nobody dares to speculate. A week later, I met a comrade from my union who I hadn’t seen in a while. His arm was in a sling, and I could see from his fingers that his entire hand was swollen and pink with inflammation. It had been broken and in need of treatment for over a year. He’s still waiting on his operation. It occurred to me then that I would never see my podiatrist.

Now I’m preparing to carry out self surgery on my own toe. I have access to a podiatry textbook and I’m studying the procedure to safely remove the offending section of my toenail. Luckily I have a background in chemistry, so I’m confident I can synthesise some phenol and lidocaine to do it properly and safely. I already have the disposable sterile surgical tools. All I need now is povidone iodine and the nerve to carry out the surgery.

Funny AND sad.

it turns out killing old people is very productive